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Now, I know what you’re thinking. What a pretentious blog post title! I can’t argue with you there. But I really mean it, that blogging saved me that is. Seriously.
And I mean “saved” in a good way, not the whole Bible-carryin’-crucifix-
Where do I even begin?
Do you ever feel like you are floating through life, unhappy with what you are doing but unsure of where you want to be?
I always felt like I was waiting for something to happen. Waiting for some perfect ray of sunlight to burst through the clouds and illuminate my face one day, and then I would just KNOW; oh yes, that’s what I am supposed to be doing with my life.
Well, that was me up until a year ago. I didn’t even realize how unhappy I was until I was happy. Does that even make sense?
It hit me about a month ago when I went to see Les Miserables. About halfway through Anne Hathaway’s performance of “I dreamed a dream,” I was sobbing, with big old tears running down my face, mascara everywhere, like some overgrown blonde panda. Sniffling and wiping all my make-up off my face 3 minutes later, I had a stunning realization.
I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. Like really cried. It had to have been at least a year. For me, this was huge. Growing up, I was a weeper, a stubborn, moody only child, prone to tantrums and tears. It didn’t get better when I got to college, in fact, it was way worse. Combined with a disgusting coarse load and an overachieving competitive mindset fostered at my fancy pants university, I was in for 4 years of hell.
And you know what made it worse? Boyfriends.
Some significant people (who shall remain nameless) used to tell me I was missing direction in my life. Ok, f*** you, I have direction. I want to make money and travel the world. If that’s not direction, I don’t know what is.
So I said goodbye to my American life, sold all my stuff, and moved back to Spain for two years. Except I still had a boyfriend in NYC. Mistake #1.
Take note people! I am going to dish (word vomit) all about my love life on here, something I never do. A. because people who overshare their relationships online are annoying and B. because I prefer to throw those skeletons in a closet and forget about them forever.
However, I can’t do that here because my ex-boyfriends have all been a huge part in helping me find myself through writing. So thanks, assholes.
I started my blog my senior year of college (2010) before traveling to Peru with an ex. You should start to notice a pattern here, that pattern being I’m an idiot when it comes to dating. By the time I boarded a flight at JFK to Europe, I was head over heels in another relationship. What was I thinking?
Needless to say, my first year back in Spain in Córdoba was miserable. Late-night skype sessions, text messages and emails, and too-short international visits didn’t cut it. Cue, a weepy, moody, over-emotional Young Adventuress. Again. Things started to go downhill after I spent Christmas in NYC; I didn’t even want to go back to Spain. I’m pretty sure I cried all the way through customs, and the first hour of my flight to Madrid until the red wine and 3 Tylenol PMs I took kicked in.
All this time I started blogging. I had a little Blogspot account that I would update a few times a month with 5,000 word posts with 50 photos about the history behind the places I was traveling to. Really fascinating, I’m shocked that I didn’t win any newbie blogger awards (read: sarcasm).
Eventually I started to write more and more, and I would chose topics that were not necessarily narrative accounts of the places I visited (which is what many new bloggers tend to do, myself included). I barely used the Twitter, I didn’t know what Instagram was, and the only blogs I read were about fashion and food.
By spring I faced a dilemma. Renew my visa and stay in Spain for another year or give up and come home. This was a really, really really gut-wrenching decision to make, and it took me many months of doubt and regret afterwards to realize it was the right one.
I had been really depressed for most of that year in Spain, and not only because of the guy back home. It seemed nothing was going right; I had problems with my coworkers and roommates, and overall, I was just sad. It was if Spain wasn’t living up to my expectations. I was so homesick, and I felt like I was missing out on having a normal life like other girls my age. I would spent my free time at work looking up apartments in New York and picking out my dream furniture at IKEA. I hated being poor, I hated that I couldn’t invest in anything for my apartment or life in Spain because who knew when I would be leaving, but most of all, I missed him.
We were drifting apart, and I blamed myself for it. I felt like I finally had the chance for love and happiness, something most girls dream about, but I was throwing it away on some stupid fantasy of travel and Spain, a fantasy that wasn’t even living up to expectations. He had made it perfectly clear that things would be very different if I was still living in the US, which made things that much more worse. Should I just give up on Spain and move home, with the hope that our relationship would improve? Or should I stay and give Spain a second chance?
During the spring I started blogging more and more. Writing became an outlet for me when I didn’t want to deal with those dark thoughts.I started to travel around locally, trying to see Spain in a new light. I distracted myself with new friends, hanging out with kids my age in the village where I worked. Eventually people started to respond to my writing. People were listening to what I had to say, and left warm, fuzzy comments (most of the time). With the spring sunshine and flowers, new hope and possibility grew within me.
Then I did something really naughty. I renewed the program and didn’t tell him. Things weren’t going well, and what if I gave up on Spain, moved home for him, and we still failed? I would regret that choice forever. But I wanted one last chance. By the time I came to NYC that summer, he knew I had renewed the visa, and I could tell we were done, though it dragged on for months before we finally cut off contact with each other.
That was the year I chose travel over a relationship. And it took me another year not to regret it.
How do you get over something like that? By that point in my life, I had had not one, but TWO boyfriends tell me they didn’t want a girlfriend traveling and living abroad for so long. Talk about a sucker-punch, right at what’s the most important thing to me. How do you move on from that? Breaking up to travel is one of the hardest decisions you might I ever have to make, but I knew if I had moved back to the US, I would have resented my decision and resented him. I’m not going to lie, it made me bitter and angry for a long time. To me, it seemed like I was following my dreams and being punished for it. Why couldn’t I have both? If I chose a life of travel, was I destined to be alone forever?
I chose not to believe that, even after all of this. In my heart I have to believe when I meet the right person, it won’t matter where I am living or what my travel plans are. Now folks, while this is something I have come to realize myself, it still makes me want to punch anyone in the throat who tells me, “oh hunnay, don’t worry. You’re young, you’ll meet someone.”
Am I allowed to have priorities and goals in life that AREN’T finding a boyfriend?
I’m a real catch, gentlemen. Just line up at the door, no shoving.
Anyways, I think you all know how the story ends; I moved back to Spain, this time to Logroño in the north, and had without a doubt the most fantastic year of my life.
And what kept me sane those dark months? My blog. It became my passion. Putting all my thoughts and feelings, and most importantly, my travel and expat advice on my blog, and seeing its success was beyond satisfying. When I was sad, I would write, though sometimes I would drink first.
I was mostly single for that year, with a few dates and flings here and there but nothing serious. And that was the best medicine. A year of being alone with yourself is one surefire way to get to know yourself real well. I really recommend it to anyone. How can you ever get to know yourself if you are constantly with another person?
Ladies, joining in on Italian bachelor parties just doesn’t happen when you’re in a serious relationship
I didn’t realize how lost I was when I was in those relationships. I forgot who I was, what my goals and dreams were. The number one girl-code was broken: I let my happiness be defined by a boyfriend. A big no-no. But by scribbling on my blog a few times a week over the course of two years, I rediscovered myself, and reevaluated what was important to me. I found my passion: travel blogging. And no one was ever going to yank it away from me.
Cue Katy Perry. This is the part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me!
I’m a young twenty-something girl. I have my whole life ahead of me to get married and do the baby thing. Even buy my dream bed from IKEA. I’m not some radical female spurning men and children for the sake of “independence.” I want all those things, but not yet.
Right now I am determined to have the most memorable years of my life, doing what I love: traveling and writing. And anyone who makes me feel bad for that is a douche and isn’t worth being in my life.
It only took Anne Hathaway making me cry publicly at the movies for it to finally all sink in.
Have you ever felt the same way? Has a relationship ever made you reevaluate your life? What’s your passion? What keeps a smile and your face and motivating you to get out of bed in the morning? Share!
**All quote images came from my Pinterest words page
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youngadventuress
Very smart young lady. Have a blast!!
Thanks Dan xx
Dana *** damn phone
Both of my past relationships have made me reevaluate life. I was willing to give up travelling both times, and since the end of the last one, I’ve decided to put a hold on relationships and explore the world while I’m in my early twenties! I applied for Auxiliares de Conversacion last month and I couldn’t be more excited! This post reminds me of every miserable long distance relationship that kept me from being happy exactly where I was.
There’s time for marriage and 9-5′s later. Right now, I’m ready to graduate and hop on a plane!
Sounds like we are on the same page!
Love the message. I’m happy things worked out great for you! Question: did IKEA sponsor this post? JK
Ha nope! No links! I wish they would sponsor me! Have any contacts there?!
Love the post, very honest! I tend to have a lot of things in my life that I’m constantly investing time and effort into. Many times, at the sacrifice of committing to a relationship. I’m starting an indefinite trip this fall around the world to focus on writing and travel and sometimes wonder if I’m making the right choice. I consider the option to stay in the states and build a lifestyle like everybody else, but I just don’t see myself being happy like that.
I’m viewing life in the same manner. Like you said, “I am determined to have the most memorable years of my life, doing what I love: traveling and writing” : o )
Sounds like you are in for an incredible year!!!
Loved this – gave me goosebumps! Love your blog – I’m planning on doing the programme this year and your blog has been soo helpful
Thanks Anna! I’m glad you find my blog helpful!
What a wonderfully written post, Liz. As much as I’m sure it was difficult to share this story, it is nice to see someone talk about the struggles involved in living abroad, pursuing your dreams and the sacrifices you have to make. Not always rainbows and butterflies
It was so hard for me to leave my boyfriend of 3 years before I studied abroad in Granada last year, but I knew I needed to take that time to find myself and explore a land, language, and culture I am so passionate about. We broke up and I got on that plane feeling heartbroken but excited with what the city I had dreamed about while reading Lorca all these years had to offer.
But then, on my first night out in Granada, I met the man I would fall in love with over the next 6 months. It was a whirlwind romance, one girls always dream about, falling in love with a handsome stranger in a foreign land…Even though I had left a man who I thought was the love of my life to “find myself,” within a month in Granada I was in a relationship with a local.
Although I wouldn’t say it limited my immersion in the culture or language, in fact constantly speaking spanish with my boyfriend and his friends and having locals show me the city gave me a very unique and special experience, I definitely found myself thinking about him when I would travel on the weekends, distracting me from seeing and experiencing new places.
My whirlwind romance ended in heartbreak for us both when I moved back to my city 3,000 miles away, and I found myself alone for the first time since I was 17. That was 8 months ago. Finding myself and defining myself outside of a relationship, priding myself on who I am, what my dreams are, and my values, as opposed to basing who I am on who loves me was one of the most difficult and painful things I’ve ever had to do, but I’ve never been happier. I focused on myself, exploring my city as if I was a tourist, trying to learn and absorb as much culture and as many lessons as I could. I’ve found that as terrifying as it is to leave someone that loves you, nothing is as valuable as the time you dedicate to pursuing what makes you happy.
I found out 2 months ago that I was accepted to a graduate program that would allow me to spend a year studying in Madrid followed by a summer in Buenos Aires. I accepted immediately, feeling liberated in knowing that I had nothing holding me back from going after these dreams. About a week ago I got an email from CIEE notifying me that I had been accepted to teach in Andalucía.
Meaning I had the opportunity to move back to my beloved region and, more than likely, to Granada. As much as it pained me to turn down the offer to go back to the man I love(d), I knew I had to move forward for me, for my dreams, to make myself happy. That CS Lewis quote popped into my head as I was weighing my options–”There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
The greatest gift we can give ourselves is self-love and a commitment to doing what makes us happy. I firmly believe that that’s also the greatest gift we can give our future partners. I actually wrote briefly about this in the first post of the blog I am attempting to start up, maybe I’ll share it with you when I’m ready
Sorry for the novel of a comment, but this post really resonated with me. Spending the past 8 months reflecting and building confidence in myself has brought me to a near identical outlook, and it’s nice to see that there are other empowered women out there who share it. Especially in this college environment of whiny, needy, dependent girls scared to do anything out of their comfort zone, hahah. You’re great Liz, and I love that you own it. xx
Thank you for such an amazing comment and sharing your experience with me. It is so nice to hear that other people have gone through similar experiences. I agree with you wholeheartedly! Please share more when you are ready! If you ever want to write something on here, send me am email xx
It sounds like you are going to have an amazing year back in Spain and Argentina!
Haha I’m only now realizing how over-sharey that late night comment was, but I’m glad it was well-received!
Oh my goodness, I’d love to write something for you, I’ll definitely shoot you an email when I have something more interesting than midterms going on
Thanks girl!
yes please send me an email when you have time liz@youngadventuress.com, I’d love to hear what you have to say!
Ah, I needed this. I’m living in Japan for what was supposed to be a year and is now becoming a year and half…maybe. I tried to maintain a long distance relationship, and it’s been dragging ever more messily to an end. As I was watching everyone around me successfully stay in their long distance relationships, I was beginning to feel pretty lost. I’m glad that the Internet led me here, because it’s taken a weight of my shoulders. I’m not closer to finding the answers, but I’m more OK with it now. Thank you.
I stumpled across your blog because I am a beginner traveler along with being a beginner blogger and I wanted to get some tips on travel blogs before I got started. After wondering through your site I must say that it is amazing! You are saying everything that I have been feeling for years and this post in particular really hit home. Unfortunately I was the chick who chose the guy over traveling…..whomp whomp whomp!
In my undergraduate program I had the opportunity to spend a semester in London and with all of those other countries right there at your fingertips who knows what I could have experienced over there or where I would have ended up. But of course I played that same ol’ song of “I dont want to lose him. What if its over if I go. What if he cheats on me because I’m so far away?” And what do you know? We’re not even together anymore because he cheated anyway and I was only 2hours away. Shocker huh? But enough of that playlist.
It was definitely something that I consider to be one of the biggest regrets of my life. Not so much that I missed out on a semester abroad, but the fact that I let the fear of losing a piss poor relationship dictate whether or not i was going to miss out on that semester abroad. All in all, I have received a second chance. I am in my Master’s program and with one of my business classes we are going to Mumbai and Delhi for Spring Break. I leave in about 5 days actually. Also, I will be spending the summer in Denmark with a week long course in Germany for a study abroad adventure.
Currently I do have a boyfriend, but from my previous experience I have learned to not let men stand in my way! And I think he’s awkwardly aware of that fact because I told him I was staying over there for a little while after the sessions were over in the summer to explore Italy and other neighboring countries and he opted to join me because he knew that I wasn’t coming back!
Thanks for the refreshing entries and pictures. I am going to continue to look around
Did I ever feel like this?! Hombreeee when my college loverboy broke up with me for good, it was the best feeling in the world. I felt like I got some clarity into who I was and what I wanted out of life. One goal stuck out: moving abroad, so I found a way to do it.
Meeting Kike was unexpected, but I’m thankful he lets me be who I am and encourages me to travel and blog. He’s helped me realize who I am and what I like, and we both know that it could just as easily go a different way. He said way back at the beginning of our relationship that my happiness is important, with or without him.
As for college loverboy, he came to his senses a few years ago and asked me to consider coming back home forever to be with him. Saying no and turning on my heel felt good.
Wow! I had something similar happen, I guy I dated in college messages me for the first time in years last year, ended very very badly. Not wanting to get back together or anything but just to apologize. Still felt good!
I hope I can have what you and Kike have one day
People who ramble on and on about their boyfriends drive me nuts! Online or offline! But you haven’t rambled, and you’ve done a tasteful job, lady!
I think travel brings out the independent side in all of us. If I were to compare the person I was five years ago to the person I am now, I could probably chart my personal growth. Good for you for throwing caution to the wind and doing what was best for yourself. Look at where it has gotten you
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Thank you so much! I was really nervous to write this because I have made it a point to not to talk about boys on here, but I think it was necessary to explain who I am now
Lovely post!! I share many of the same sentiments and have always had a hard time finding the right words for my feelings about choosing “the road less traveled” but you’ve hit the nail right on the head. It’s great to hear that someone shares the same sentiments when I have very few friends at home who can’t seem to understand why I don’t want to get married and pop out babies like the rest of them are doing.
Also, I love following your blog. I’m planning a one month trip to Spain in March and your posts have been so helpful! Thanks so much!
Thank you!
I love this post! and I’m totally with you here! I’ve been in such relationship as well, even when I went travelling alone then I didn’t enjoy it all that much as my mind was constantly back at home :/ and now, when I’m single I know I’m much happier. I still want a relationship etc but there’s time for everything and since these are the best times of our life let’s spend them enjoying them!
It’s a really tough decision but ultimately you have to do what makes you happy
exactly! and if travelling makes us happy at this stage of our lives then no regrets
I’m always a fan of your confessional posts, Liz. This one really inspired me not only to keep pursuing my dream to travel but also to keep building up my blog one post at a time (and not necessarily “narrative” blog posts–a good distinction).
Yay thanks Trevor!! I’m glad you liked it! Keep writing and don’t give up!
I have to admit, I was a little wary after reading the first few lines with the TMI warning
I thoroughly enjoyed this though and as someone having a bit of a quarter-life crisis moment, it’s also nice to hear about other people’s situations, feelings and how they dealt with them to move on and become stronger and happier!
Haha thank you! I’m glad you kept reading even after my disclaimer!
Yes it’s definitely true that sometimes you don’t know how unhappy you’ve been until you realise how happy you ARE. I ended a long-term relationship about 1.5 years ago and I’ve never been happier.. I’ve learnt so much more about myself and I feel FREE. It’s the best feeling ever.
I now love and enjoy travelling solo.. and I’ve met so many new people who are more like ME!
XXXXXX
Exactly!!
Actually, you can still join in on crazy shit like Italian bachelor parties when you’re in a serious relationship…you just have to be lucky enough to have a very secure boyfriend who trusts you and isn’t jealous
I guess, but you can’t make out with any of them which is half of the fun
The first man I gave up traveling for… I married! And that was probably because he and I travel so much together that I knew it was worth the short term disappointment. Spanish and Spain ended my other two long-term relationships in my life, so I knew there was something different about J when I put off going back to the Camino.
(Also, confession! I went to Spanish camp with you and totally creep on your blog- you’re living the dream!)
OMG that was so long ago!!!!
I hope I find someone like that one day
Want to go on the camino together? I still haven’t done it yet!
YES TO THE CAMINO. I’m dying to get back there. I’d love to do the whole thing again but 5 weeks of available vacation time is hard to come by!
I think I could swing a summer trip next year… but J wants to go to Brazil for the World Cup so that may eat up our travel fund for 2014.
Very cool post – very honest, heart warming!
Love it Liz, we’d get along IRL all too well. Also, I am an only child. Not many of us out there to prove that we’re not a completely selfish breed. Anyway, it’s like a constant mission here to try not to feel attached to people so I don’t let it influence my decisions. Thus why I never write about it, either. Oh life.
sounds like we’re soulmates. It’s funny how that happens online. Come meet me at the frankfurt airport. I have a 5 hour layover there next sunday
Those decisions weren’t easy at the time. However, looks like you made the right one. Having a boyfriend isn’t bad. Not having a boyfriend isn’t bad.
In this decision, you discovered yourself – who you are, your identity, without needing someone else to tell you who you are. Not an easy decision to make but probably the best one that you could have made.
Now when the right guy comes along, you’ll be ready and have a stronger relationship for it. It’s a matter of timing and finding someone who understands your life, goals, passions, and who you are.
I don’t think you’ll have any problem finding a guy – just make sure it’s the right one for the right reasons. You have an incredible natural beauty – one of the best beautiful women (travel bloggers) I’ve seen
Oops, meant ‘most beautiful women’ not best. You got the idea though
Did my beauty leave you tongue tied?
Thanks for such a sweet comment. I needed to hear something like that after publishing something so incredibly personal
love this… after getting out of a 4 year relationship, finishing grad school, finishing my first year of teaching , i knew that was my chance to move abroad, no more excuses…of course a few months before i left, i met a guy I was really really into… but the way he handled the situation of me leaving (and that trip i was only going for 6 months!, 6 months, nothing!) just proved what a douche bag he was and i’m so so so glad i didn’t stay and drag myself through another guaranteed failed relationship.
nothing tests a relationship like travel and living apart. guys are crazy. I’m glad things are finally working out for you
Wow, that was really really deep. I am in the same situation you were in, so you have definitely opened my eyes to what I need to do to start living my dreams…. thank you! <3
What a great post! I feel the same way about relationships at this point in life and am so glad I have the next few years (hopefully!) to travel and spend time figuring out the type of person I want to be before adding someone else into the mix.
couldnt have said it better myself abby!
Thanks for sharing, Liz! I’ve learned that you’ve got to be happy with your own life and live it for YOU, otherwise a relationship is never really going to work out. When the time is right, you’ll meet that special someone. Until then, just have fun and travel on!
exactly!!!
Interesting to read your stories (love them most of the time) and I would love to share with you (if you ever come Down Under) a beer or wine =)
I love to travel as well and for a very long time I was confined to a relationship that made me incredibly unhappy, now I want to catch up and the interesting thing was I found (unwillingly) somebody that shares my passion and will be travelling with me to the end of the world.
only most of the time?
I will be down under for a year or so starting in July! We should get a beer (or 5)!!
Great read.
Whenever I announced that I was moving to Vietnam, nearly everyone’s first question was something along the lines of “What about your boyfriend” or “What does he think?”. It struck me as odd because I had very much made the decision because I knew it would be good for me and was surprised that everyone was so worried about my boyfriend that they had most likely never even met. We’re still together and he is very supportive. He understands my need to “see the world”(for lack of a better term) and has never once questioned why I moved or what about him. It’s funny though that it seemed the rest of the world’s automatic reaction was to judge my decision as unfair to my boyfriend. Good for you for choosing what’s best for YOU. It’s not always the easy thing to do!
That’s really good! I hope I find someone like that one day!
Great read, and yes, I have been through this (oddly enough, also while in Spain) and my relationship at the time didn’t make it, though I didn’t find out until I had arrived back home.
I’m about to embark on another extended period of time abroad, and this time around, it seems I have a relationship in which my partner is truly supportive. Still, I think we take a chance every time we leave others behind to follow a dream (travel or not,) and I applaud you for following your bliss, unapologetically!
I can also relate to finally finding some happiness in traveling and writing…and so I say…rock on, sister! If I’ve learned anything, it’s that it’s during the times we are true to ourselves and rocking out in our happy place—those are the times we find the right people in life. And I hate to say it…maybe even love? (The eternal optimist in me is talking.)
Thank you for the personal post. You are a joy to read!
Thanks Anne! It was hard to share this but ultimately it was a good exercise for me
I wholeheartedly agree, even though I have had relationship after relationship fail, I feel like once I am truly happy with myself and my place in the world, I will meet that “special” guy *swoon*
AMEN. Two years of being single and traveling and I have never been happier! Luckily my parents have enough “practice grandchildren” (friends’ kids) that there’s no pressure on me! Good on ya
haha sometimes I feel bad about that, though my stepbrothers are having kids, so that occupies my parents some. Otherwise, theyre just gonna have to wait!
You are very wise!! NEVER let another person define you! You can do and have it all eventually, when it’s right for you. Live you life on your terms and enjoy the hell out of it!! That’s what I always tell the Little Mermaid at Sea!
exactly! Thanks Linda
This has basically been the last two years of my life. I thought what I had was what I wanted, but it wasn’t and I probably still feel guilty about it. But I wouldn’t change the way things have turned out because, like you said, I’ve found my passion as well. Good post, Liz!
Thanks Caroline! Great to see someone has gone through something similar, I’m not the only one. I still feel guilty sometimes, but I’m finally moving forward
It definitely sounds like you made the right decision. I’d hold off on the long-term relationship until you meet a man who enjoys travel as much as you do (they do exist). Then it becomes a shared joy rather than a barrier.
Thanks Sharon, I’d like to think I did the right thing, it was so hard though
Luckily I realised a lot of these things earlier than most when I went to uni with a boyfriend and disastrously tried the save the relationship.
I was 18 we’d been going out 6 months and I thought we were gonna get married. Of course he cheated on me.
Since then I’m pretty much a relationship denier, but sometimes I do see the flicker of something between me and a guy and I then ignore them until that flame goes out because personally I don’t want to have to deal with disgusting messy emotions.
Right on sister! It’s like sometimes, you take the words right out of my mouth. Sometimes it gets really lonely being in another country by myself, but then I look at the alternative. Being stuck at a job I probably don’t like, surrounded by other people who hate their lives? Yeah, I would get to see my awesome friends/family/dogs but they’ll still be there when I get back. Having just graduated college, it amazes me how many girls my age are already married/having kids or not being able to wait to do just that. I can’t imagine myself having that kind of life right now. Now is the age where I am supposed to not have any responsibilities and explore the world and find myself. These are probably the only few years of my life where I will be get to really be alone, without a house/job/boyfriend/husband/child(ren) tying me down, so why wouldn’t I want to take advantage of that??
I am now in the midst of deciding whether or not I want to renew my contract and teach in Spain for another year. I keep thinking I have my mind made up, but then I keep changing it. I keep thinking about how much I miss my friends and family and that I have a ‘real life’ to get back to. But who’s to say I can’t make this my ‘real life’ for a little longer? ay ay ay.
Anyways, I love this blog more and more with each post. Enjoy Turkey, I can’t wait to read all about it!
Stay for another year. You won’t regret it, I don’t know anyone who has stayed in Spain longer and regretted it. Though I know a dozen people who gave up and regretted it forever. Just my two cents
This was an amazing post! Sounds like you have come a long way! I’d love to have the courage to write as openly as you!
I feel lucky to be with my Colombian boyfriend who loves to travel and encourages my hobbies, passions and most of all, my happiness, regardless of him.
Our whole relationship has been revolved around travel and only now are we (temporarily) trying to settle down for a bit and we love it too!
Love your blog!! Glad you kept at it!
I hope I have that one day! Thank you
As we say in Spain: pasa de todo y vive tu vida, que ya es bastante intensa como para preocuparte por lo que digan los demás.
Exactamente
Fabulous post – so much of it describes my current situation. Honestly, reading parts of it felt like reading my own diary!
Kate xo petite-adventures.blogspot.ca
I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this way
What an amazingly honest post. Thank you so much for writing this. I, too, had a relationship blow up in my face because of moving to Spain, and it’s just so comforting to read about someone else going through this kind of stuff–it’s silly, but I really feel alone sometimes (especially since like all of my friends in Spain are in relationships!), and start second-guessing whether living abroad was worth ending the first relationship I’ve had where I could, you know, see myself marrying the guy. But, like you, I know it will be worth it
We girls have got to stick together
Great post, Liz! I was reading you back in the olden days — amazing how far we’ve come since then!
Good luck on your adventures!!
I know! I feel like we’ve known each other for so long! You were one of the first blogs I ever read
Liz, I absolutely love your blog! Way to push through and go with what you knew was right, which so many people avoid because it’s not necessarily the easiest path! Yea for travel!
Thank you so much Mandy
Hey Liz, so I’ve been reading your blog all afternoon today. As if I should be doing something more adventurous on my last few traveling abroad days in Chiang Mai, Thailand. BUT, you are hilarious. I love it!!!
Was actually referred to your page by a girlfriend of mine, who is an expat in Madrid. Now, this comment maybe a little off the subject.. but its the association I have had with traveling as a single woman.
Falling in love abroad.
Coming from a girl, that came out of her last semester in college, I thought this was it!! Great guy, had our 2, 5, 10 year plan. Jeez, I forget how much of a domesticated, control freak I was. Maybe, still a little. Long story short and a reason why I began blogging, was that he passed away. It has been hell and back (believe me). Analyzing and learning the identities I gave myself and the limitations I sometimes subconsciously bound my consciousness to.
Even through this process and taking the plunge of “finally doing this trip” of volunteering and traveling (for the past 7 months)… I find myself on the common themes of what was discussed… the idea of “romance abroad”.
Maybe this is just the hopeless romantic in me, thinking and knowing that in any relationship… it can work out. The roughing, the hardships, the planning, the compromise, all of it. And it makes me weary some days, this thing we call commitment. Knowing that in between this thin line of not living for others, not being so narcissistic, and yet not expecting my spouse to live up to the standards and values I have. Do I quit? Expect nothing? Or not cut myself short by expecting nothing less?
Honest truth is, there are some standard in which we all subconsciously have, but what becomes excessive and if we do give lee way for potential… knowing all of these things, how do we not scare our spouses into the acknowledge of it all? I mean, for all I know.. I really know nothing of this matter, that is except the endless possibilities of what can/might happen, in once again.. something we call life within timing.
But what I love about traveling (because of the time restraint), any relationship (with given time and objectiveness) creates a means of clarity for what it is (whether invested into or not), and I’ve learned we kind of have to make terms with the fact that.. we either can enjoy what “this is” as it is or have a tough time, fitting it in a shoe box, too small for it to store away.
Traveling helps sift these romantic idealism(s) and gives you a better since of direction, of what your heart is really after.
Anyhow, a little off the subject. But, most of all.. I just wanted to say, YOU ROCK! Looking forward to reading your blogs!!!
–gaonou
Wow what an incredible comment! Thank you so much for sharing that with me
I can’t even imagine going through that. You’re amazing! Would you write me a guest post!??!
I just recently started reading your blog and love it, but this post especially hit me! I am having similar relationship vs. travel doubts in my own life and your story helped me look at things from a new angle that none of my non-traveler friends can provide. I love seeing how passionate you are about traveling; it is really inspiring!
It’s so hard going through this and it’s something that took me so long to come to terms with, let alone write about publicly!
As much as I love this post, I’ve also loved the positive responses so many people have also shared! When I read this, it made me feel like “yay! I’m no longer a freak” and there is someone else who has had spookily similar experiences – but turns out there are loads of us!
Yay!! I feel exactly the same way!
Wow, really enjoying your blog!
Danica
Thanks Danica xx
Great blog. This post was very relatable and worked for banging some sense into me just like Anna Hathaway worked for you:p. Never let someone come into your defination of true happiness unless its their happiness too.
Exactly
Thank you!
Hope you have the best year ever. Enjoy every single minute. Life is soooo short.
Good Luck
Thanks Bob <3
What a relate-able post, thanks! My pattern has been a bit different in that my dream to travel has been stifled by a boyfriend, then when said boyfriend goes away, the need/urge/hope to find a new boyfriend keeps me at a standstill. It has taken until now (March 2013!) that I have finally made the decision to stop waiting around and go explore!
Love the honesty and wit in your posts! I’m hooked!
Good for you! Sounds like we are quite similar!
Hey Liz,
Another great article. I am lucky to have my girlfriend that I met working in Salou for a summer still with me in New Zealand after 3 years in Australia. There are time you think it is never going to work but then it is all sweet again!
The plan for our next adventure is a collision course… She wants to go to South America, I want to go to Asia… This is when traveling with a partner becomes difficult.. Do you stick to your own desires or plan a potential year long life trip around someone else’s..
Time will tell but you have to be ready for every eventuality. I believe everything happens for a reason so if it is meant to be, everything will work out..
All the best
Adam
Sounds like you are in for a tough decision Adam! Good luck
Thanks for sharing this, Liz.
I must say I’m your age and most of my life I’ve been alone – I have never really dated anyone for long or with a serious intent. I’ve also had a long-distance relationship once – and it was a weird experience. Anyway, my point is I have always been on my own and I value this circumstance of mice. This is not to say it’s a good idea to stay alone till you die, no!
But these days I think most people don’t know what to do with themselves once they’re face-to-face with themselves. I’ve learnt to appreciate myself and my own company – you really get to know yourself better, you have time for yourself to grow and develop. Just any relationship is not worth it if it doesn’t bring you anything valuable. And if this is the case, it’s better to be on your own.
Also, because I’ve been like this for a long time – and I’ve learnt to value this me time – I now know that my partner shoud be somehow like me, He should also appreciate me time that he allocates for his own activities and development. And in this case he would also understand me and wouldn’t think I am selfish and insensitive. I have also resisted people who I feel make me feel not myself, so to speak, who somehow make me deviate from who I want to be or what I believe in.
All in all, I value inner harmony most of all – harmony with yourself. That’s how you can stay true to yourself and the world around you, saying that this is who you are, with no pretences. I was once so heart-broken that in hindsight I realised what had gone fundamenally wrong – it was the way I’d lost myself somewhere along the way with that person, to the point that I hated myself for that, hated myself for that weakness because I stopped respecting myself.
Hope this makes sense. And thanks for your blog!
Thank you and I totally agree! I love me time
Hey sweetie
it was real good to hear your story!
I feel like I’m the same situation.. stuck in an IT degree for four years. I’m just curious, what degree did you graduate with?
Also my family is quite conventional.. they would get real mad if I chose to travel the world. I’ve never been a solo traveler but next year I am planning to go to the Middle East solo.
Much love,
xx
I’m going to brag for a moment–I’m very lucky to be getting married to my best friend, who has the same passions as I do: travel, helping others, and theatre. We have no plans to settle down anytime soon, and will be doing a lot of traveling in the years to come. We’re actually planning a few month trip through Central America, volunteering along the way. We’ve been to 15 different countries together, never spent a summer between college years in the same place, and our relationship has grown stronger because of it.
That being said, in our case, I really do believe we can “have our cake and eat it, too.” The “right” person for you will love you for who you are, and that includes your passions. “The one” will be excited to share such amazing adventures with you, and won’t hold you back.