If moving abroad were easy, everyone would be doing it, right?
With only about 35% of the American populace holding passports, I think it’s safe to say that most of our knowledge of the big wide world comes from the idiot box and the internet, not from firsthand experience.
Personally, I cannot STAND it when people make incorrect assumptions about other countries. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. I have made it my life mission to encourage and help as many people, especially young people and women, to travel the world and move abroad. Hence this massive, rather long-winded blog.
Whether it’s from movies, books or TV, I feel like the image of “the rest of the world” and “moving abroad” has become so idealized and misconstrued in American media today that it’s no longer relevant to the actual experience.
Whenever I tell people I lived in Spain or I’m moving abroad (big announcement soon guys!) I generally get the half-assed “Oh that’s so nice! You’re so lucky; you’re going to have the time of your life, and maybe you’ll fall in love” response. Ok, have you met me? I’m a walking-talking disaster! No one in their right mind would call me lucky and the day I have a successful international relationship is the day pigs fly.
And secondly, the next person who tells me I’m going to fall in love abroad is going to get smacked, family members included. What makes people think that going abroad is equal to a young woman searching for love, and what makes you think it’s socially acceptable to say that to my face? Hey, what about me?! Can’t I just go abroad for myself? I’m only 24 damnit! All I want is to see the world, maybe make out with some cute boys, sleep under the stars, drink whiskey with cool people and have adventures and write about it later. Is that asking too much?
We get so caught up in the “American Dream” of finding the perfect 9 to 5 job, the perfect husband, the perfect house with a white picket fence, two cars and 2.5 kids that we forget that there is an entire WORLD out there to explore! For all you young’uns out there, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You only have one chance to be young, don’t throw it away.
I don’t know anyone who has regretted moving abroad but I know plenty who have regretted staying behind.
But I’ve waxed poetic enough about why I think everyone and their mother should move abroad right this instant. This post is about myths and breaking down the facts about living overseas for you guys, something I’m painfully good at.
1. The movies got it all wrong
From watching the Olsen twins frolic around Paris on VHS to Diane Lane getting romanced after buying a villa in Tuscany, my generation was raised on glamorized half-truths and idealized travel experiences. No matter how many times I’ve been to Rome, I have never met my pop start doppelganger and been invited to sing on stage in the Coliseum like Lizzy McGuire. Damn you Disney!
Moving abroad is hard; it’s challenging, and you don’t always find what you are looking for. Modern media has romanticized traveling and living overseas, making it seem both effortless and easy, when in reality, it can be the biggest pain in the ass. The movies rarely talk about the hard times, and they make it look so effortless when the reality is far from rainbows and unicorns.
From sorting out residency papers and visas (the bane of my existence in Spain) to negotiating rent and setting up a bank account, nothing is simple, easy or familiar while transitioning abroad. While these daily occurrences are glossed over on film, they are all part of the experience and make it all the sweeter. I always likened them to personal challenges. Liz – 1, Spanish post office worker – 0, winning.
So for all the people who think moving abroad is a piece of cake or a long-term vacation, you couldn’t be more wrong. It’s a daily battle that almost always leaves you questioning – is this what I really want? while crying on the Madrid metro and stuff your depressed face with Kinder Bueno bars.
But if it is, then all the challenges that go into moving abroad make the experience all the more rewarding and memorable. There is not a movie out there that can truly capture just how amazing it is to have that experience under your belt because, it’s one of those “you really have to be there” moments.
These are the best moments you can have while traveling, spending the day with new local friends and laughing, getting invited to a family dinner, becoming part of your new community. Moving abroad is so much more than a new country, a place to tick off of a bucket list. It’s about the experiences you have and the people you meet. Don’t forget that getting caught up in the glamor of it all.
2. Get rid of all your crap
I’m totally serious – you’ll thank me later; burn it, sell it, or throw it in storage, but whatever you do, try to keep the stuff you bring with you to a minimum. It took me several years, and several international moves abroad to realize that less really is more.
With hundreds of books in my collection and a penchant for high heels, if I can travel light, by god anyone can. A huge part of moving abroad is about integrating. You can buy clothes and bath products in your new country, don’t waste all your luggage space on 10 pairs of jeans and hair products.
Do you really need to pack everything you own? Do you need to bring a pillow with you? Can you not buy shampoo wherever you’re going?
One of my favorite things about Spain was the shopping! They have great stuff for so much cheaper than the US. I always had more problems going home, trying to bring home all the stuff I bought during sales and smuggle in cheap wine and Spanish ham, than when I moved over in the first place.
Whether you are moving abroad for six months or six years, the less shit you bring with you, the better. Trust me on this one.
3. Learning another language is not easy
Before I moved to Spain, I thought I knew Spanish. What a joke!
Aside from the fact that America has just about the worst teaching foreign language methodology I’ve ever experienced, no two ways about it, you won’t become fluent until you move abroad.
Even that isn’t enough. I’ve known plenty of Americans in Spain who get by speaking English and put in zero effort to learning Spanish. You have to try, really try; commit to it and make it a priority and it will happen. Live with locals, join a club, go out frequently, make a fool of yourself with locals. You will never learn to speak a language well from a book, you will only learn by practicing. Drink a beer first; it helps.
When I first moved to Spain in 2007, I was so shy. It took half a year for me to come out of my shell, and look at me now! I can’t shut up – in English or Spanish! The day I won an argument with my Spanish roommates in April 2011 about kitchen duties was a sweet, sweet day for me.
But don’t delude yourself. You have to make the effort if you want to learn another language when moving abroad. Don’t just think it’ll happen.
4. It’s ok to hate your adopted country
Don’t shoot the messenger! God knows I will never hear the end of writing a negative post about Spain. I’ve been called many nasty things in my 3 years blogging, but one of the worst ones was somehow being “ungrateful” for Spain.
Really? Have you read my blog?
Let me fill you in on another little secret; you are allowed to get mad, pissed and even hate your new country now and then. It’s like a relationship really. Don’t bottle in your feelings, otherwise they will boil over and explode, and that just never ends well. Ever.
You are allowed to have a complex range of emotions when you straddle two different worlds. That’s a normal part of moving abroad – there are even studies on it! For me, the hardest part of living abroad was feeling like I belonged neither here nor there. I would get mad at Spain and I would get mad the US, and I felt like I was in limbo.
Sometimes shit happens when you live abroad. Sometimes nothing happens for a long time and you are really happy, and then suddenly it all sneaks up on you at once and attacks you. From fighting with the immigration officers, to my coworkers, to even doctor’s office, Spain always tested my patience. Hell, I am STILL fighting with them now! In December, my best friend mailed me home all my favorite books from Spain, and well, they lost them and have no idea where they are. And not only did they lose them, they are making my friend go through a rat race in Spain trying to even talk with the right person who can help! And I can’t do anything since I’m in the US and the Spanish post office phone number is a paid line unrecognized by Skype. Really Spain?
Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. I love Spain, I really do. At the end of the day, I would go through hell and back to live there. And that’s how I know I can complain about it here and there; it’s like venting to a friend. It’s when your hate for a country bubbles up so much that you become negative and bitter is when you should start thinking about moving home. I didn’t even think about moving home til I was warned by a lawyer that I could be forcibly deported and banned from Europe if I didn’t leave.
Now that’s love.
5. Travel changes you
People always talk about “finding yourself” or “going on a journey to self-discovery” as a reason for traveling, and as much as I think it’s way overplayed nowadays, I can understand where people are coming from. After all, Eat, Pray, Love was popular for a reason.
People usually say that traveling or living abroad was the best time of their life and you should go too, Listen.
Travel does change you, for better or worse. Moving abroad was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and it has helped shaped and continues to shape who I am today. It has taught me many lessons and has encouraged me to be independent, responsible, have respect, and above all, APPRECIATE the people and the world around me. Struggling to learn another language, to adapt to a different culture with a different set of rules and learning the difference between fiction and reality – those are the lessons that stay with you, that shape you, that change you.
Have you ever lived abroad? For you, what is something no one ever told you about moving abroad?
About the author
Hello Liz,
Thank you for all your insights. While reading some of your experiences, I felt like you were writing about my own life during my recent travels to Ireland. I was born in N.I., but moved to Canada as a young girl (8), and never seemed to get Ireland, especially Donegal, out of my system.
So, four years ago, I rented a cottage for four months in Donegal to “test” out the lifestyle to see if I could do it permanently. It was fantastic. So, for the next three years, I worked to get myself in a position to move back permanently, and did so last July (2013). Sold my house (in Canada), all my belongings but a mere 5.66 csm. of “stuff”, had it shipped over (plus my cat of 14 years), and my “stuff” has been sitting in storage here ever since. It was a literally a “crash” landing since I arrived. There has been no end to the pain from the minute I picked up my rental car…then my cat…then an hour up the road, somebody opened their car door while I was driving through a village and took off half the car on the drivers side…and the fun began with the Irish car rental people. Please slap me in the belly with a wet fish for the rest of my life instead of having me deal with the Irish rental car people:(
Moving on…had three sale agreeds on three houses, one after the other, (in the best property market in history in Ireland), and every one of them fell through because of (putting it kindly) non-disclosure issues from vendors. Then decided to rent…screw that, no one in Ireland will rent you a place if you have an animal…didn’t see that coming from the most recognized agricultural country in the world!!
In the middle of all of this, I had to return to Canada as my Mother was critically ill, so back there I went for 5 weeks, leaving kitty with a cousin, then back to Ireland…and here I am now…surfing for websites to help me figure out my next step, steeped in the darkness of that looming question…was moving here all a big mistake?.
All this (and I have left out a lot) brings me to a question for you. I am bitter and exhausted with the entire process, and my fingertips are but hours away from emailing the movers to have my “stuff” shipped back to Canada, and screw the entire plan. I have reached the point of bitterness and negativity, but wonder, should I give it a bit longer? My friends get emails from my regularly and cannot believe all the shit I have had to come through in just over six months. It’s like I took over the “axis of evil” from George W. Bush!!! I am older than your average demographic, female, and single, but am high energy and a strong person, and have overcome many of life’s traumas, but this entire experience has really brought me to my knees. So yes, moving abroad is definitely not easy. Any thoughts you can offer before I either hit the keys or the bottle, I would be most grateful for.
Thank you again for doing this blog. In less that 5 minutes, you gave me oxygen, and the will to write this email.
Sincerely,
Aine
I lived in Tenerife for 3 years back in 2006 and i moved back to the UK because the health care is rubbish and your boss treats you like shit because he knows your not back home and you can’t just get a job across the street.Ever since i left Los Cristianos it has completely changed it doesn’t even seem the same place anymore and back when i was living there people were still coming all year round.I went to Tenerife on st.Patricks day last year and the place was so quiet i’ve seen cemetery’s busier than Tenerife was and normally ST.Patrick’s day is one of the busiest times to go to Tenerife.I’m going this June for the world cup but that will be the last time i go.
I am from China and now i am working in the States, everyday to me was disaster, i know few ppl, the whole company i only knew the 4 ppl in my team. For the time being, i am feeling like i can’t talk in front of others, kind like social anxiety disorder. I am here all by myself, its really hard. and i am 25yrs old .
I appreciate all you points and they’re spot on. Many Americans simply can’t understand until they’ve put themselves into another culture, and most don’t even try. I’m 54, successful in my career field and am now very seriously taking steps to permanently move to Switzerland. I’m a dual citizen and speak German (Hochdeutsch and Züritüütsch) – so on those topics there’s no issue. Presently I’m trying to get some interviews with firms in my profession. I know I only have 10 to 12 years left to work, but I should be able to maneuver into a position without too much difficulty. It’s just a matter of finding the right firm and the right salary. But I’m DONE with the US, I can’t even begin to explain and I don’t have to. Neither do I have to apologize or justify it to anyone, I served the US in uniform and was discharged from the Armed Forces honorably. I’ve paid my dues. I may have to explain it to the US Embassy in Bern once I start the process to get my CLN (Certificate of Loss of Nationality). I hope to renounce my US citizenship once there. Because of high demand for CLNs in Switzerland by dual Swiss American citizens, it’s about a 2 year wait – that along should tell you something about the US. Snarky shallow commenters please keep your simplistic views to yourselves, making them simply proves my point that most Americans are shallow, egotistical and one dimensional.
“Bitter, table for one sir?” I get it, it’s just that I’m so spent – I have nothing left for this country and all I see around me is aggression, whether it’s politics, or what have you.
But for me the bottom line is this:
In America, the rights of the individual reign absolutely supreme and to be protected from (I love the absurdity of this phrase) ‘the tyranny of the majority’.
To the Swiss, the rights of the majority are to be protected from the individual since nearly any malevolent behavior can be hidden behind the mask of ‘individual rights’.
It’s simply a philosophical choice – I simply no longer agree with the basic premise of US systems (economic, political, educational, cultural) all of which support the “ME first” mentality.
Although it looks here like my motivations are all negatively generated – wanting to get away from America; they aren’t. I’ve thought long and hard on this and I have just as many positive motivations as I do negative.
I don’t know why many of this posts are so negative about the US. I’m from Europe and we are just the same. Spain is different of course, as most countries close to the ocean are. Every landlocked country in Europe is no different than what you describe. And America is so big, there are certainly differences between the states. Don’t tell me all Americans are the same. I’m pretty sure people from Florida are different than people from Ohio, for example. I live in Austria. People here are stressed, sometimes aggressive, they don’t like foreigners (well, most don’t) and our political system isn’t perfect either. Don’t tell me the US are the worst place in the world. They are not. Every country has its good and bad sites. Like there is a country on this planet where everyone is happy, friendly, open, tolerant, no crime, the political system is great and everyone has a job and is earning a lot of money. A place like this doesn’t exist and Swizerland isn’t perfect either. And believing that all Americans are like that and that there are perfect countries seems pretty shallow, too.