I’m just going to go ahead and make a bold statement. I hate planes. I fucking hate them.
I hate airports. I hate people who work in airports (TSA agents I’m looking at you). I hate the hassle of airports. Why we just can’t apparate from point A to B by now is beyond me.
This probably comes from the fact that I spend so much of my time on planes nowadays. In fact, I’m sure that’s why. I’m also a severe introvert so more than 4 people in a confined space tend to stress me out. Lock me in a tiny moving tin tube for more than an hour with hundreds of other breathers, and I start to have anxiety attacks.
Sounds like I picked the wrong profession, right?
Granted, I have had many flights go by without a hitch, which makes the bad ones hell in comparison. Combined with the fact that I have a special talent for finding myself in really uncomfortable situations makes me really NOT look forward to long travel days.
It’s been a while since I ranted on here but I needed to do something while traveling for days on end over the past week. After years of reflection, I’ve realized it all boils down to two things: respect and awareness. If only people were more aware of all the people around them on flights AND respected them, 99% of flights would take off without general grumpiness.
Of course there is always someone misbehaving. Always.
Here are my 10 things I wish people would really stop doing on airplanes:
1. Smelling like, well, anything
As a general rule, you should probably shower sometime close to take-off. And if showering is impossible, bring a change of clothes and deodorant in your carry-on. Please. Can I even begin to count the number of times I’ve been on a flight in close proximity to someone who reeked? I don’t get it, how can you not be aware that you smell like a high school locker room? If I don’t shower, I am painfully aware of it, and I would never consider subjecting someone next to me on a flight to that.
Then of course the opposite happened while I was waiting at Dulles Airport last week to catch my flight to San Francisco. Across the aisle in the waiting area before boarding, as I was sipping my coffee I watched in horror as a woman took out a bottle of some kind of hippy essential oil and proceed to douse herself in it. I could literally feel my eyes prickling from 15 feet away. It was like she was anointing herself in holy communion or something.
As far as I’m concerned, everyone should smell neutral on a plane. Good or bad, I don’t want to smell you at all.
2. Asking to switch seats
Ok, I’m anal – I like a window seat. I go to great lengths to make sure I have my seat planned, prepped and reserved in advance before I even journey to an airport. Sometimes I even have to pay for it.
Have you ever been on a flight where people are boarding and there’s a family that doesn’t have seats together and they go around asking people to switch seats? It’s happened to me several times, and I feel like a bitch but I always say no. I picked my seat, dammit, and I am not giving it up because someone is too lazy to plan in advance.
Have they heard of the internet? Do they have phones? It’s not that hard to get in contact with an airline in advance and rearrange seats or even when you are checking in, but why wait til you are on the plane to ask is beyond me. The only airline I’ve ever had problems with about seat selection is American Airlines, but that’s a story for a different day.
3. Overhead bin violations
Flights are almost always full nowadays, which means the overhead bins can be a hot commodity. If you are traveling with a big backpack or rolling suitcase, you have to use the bin. However, I’ve got little legs, and I always stow my canvas tote and camera satchel under the seat in front of me, except for when I take my backpacking backpack on board. And while I settle in my seat, I watch people over and over again stuff tiny purses, shopping bags, coats and other small foldable crap in the empty overhead bins while the plane still boards.
You see my backpack? It can’t fit under the seat, do you mind if I move your feather down jacket and duty-free booze bags so I can put it in the overhead bin?
I always feel like a dick when I have to move people’s stuff around or ask them to move it if I need to stow a bigger bag up there. Use some common sense and don’t be an idiot. Wait until the plane has boarded THEN put your smaller shit away if you need to.
The lack of common sense in people continues to astonish me.
4. Using the headrest in front of you to stand up
This drives me bananas. It takes a lot for me to fall asleep on a plane, especially when I forget to bring my Ambien with me. It makes me want to scream if I’ve finally fallen asleep only to be physically jerked away when the person behind me grabs my seat to sit up.
This is something that also baffles me. Why can’t people stand up putting their hands on the arm rests, the wall, or heaven forbid their own seat?
In-flight behavior 101 – never touch the seat in front of you unless it’s an emergency. And for some reason if you do need to, apologize or give some heads up first.
5. Not patrolling your kids
Another hot topic in the travel world – traveling with kids. Normally I’ve got no problem with kids on planes, I don’t even mind babies. Kids are kids, babies cry, I get all that, no problem.
My beef starts when parents don’t control their offspring on planes. That drives me nuts. Whether these feral kids are kicking my seat like a soccer ball, running up and down the aisles, or screaming while the parents just sit there, that’s when I get pissy. No one invades my personal space cave on a flight. NO ONE.
This is why I’ve reverted to the Oatmeal school of thought where I believe airplanes should be laid on with special kennels in the back for children. Sigh, one day.
I’m not a mom yet; I’ve made the decision I’m not ready to deal with all the baby stuff yet, which means I don’t want to deal with your parent issues either. I’ve had a kid spill a drink on me because mommy was too busy watching the movie in her aisle seat once, but the absolute worst was getting barfed on a transatlantic flight in 2009.
Actually I’ve been puked on twice while traveling, both times because of parental negligence. This time I was minding my own business in a window seat while the mom next to me bottle-fed her baby. She then props him up to burp on her right shoulder and guess who gets vomed on? Yours truly.
They say that when its your kid, it’s different and you can put up with all those bodily fluids. Well it wasn’t my kid and I lost it. Big time. Feed your baby in your seat, but go burp him by the bathrooms.
6. No snoring, no drooling
This goes hand in hand with number 1. I’m guessing that most people who snore are aware of it and know they snore. Am I right? So when you are on a plane with a bazillion other people, try not to snore. If that means drinking a coffee, drink a coffee. If that means not reclining your seat, don’t recline your seat.
On my San Fran flight, my seatmate was a massive snorer. Like I could hear him over my headphones with the volume on max. Now that’s just impressive. Even the flight attendants were astonished. As they were serving drinks, one took a look at him, and said out loud, “Sweet Jesus.”
It was a 6 hour flight during the day. Stay awake.
I should probably add in here one of the grossest things that happened to me on a plane, right up there with the baby barf. I was seated next to this little old lady, I mean very nice and sweet, but she kept dozing off, like old ladies do. The thing was that she couldn’t stay upright and would inch by inch lean over until she was basically napping on my shoulder in which I would wiggle around to sort of wake her up.
But the third time she slid on my shoulder, she drooled all over my arm. Like a fucking faucet. Oh my gawd. I was horrified, horrified but I couldn’t say anything because she was so old and sweet and we had chatted while boarding creating a mini-connection. All I could think was thank god I wore long sleeves that day! So I kinda poked her and she propped back up while trying to discreetly wipe her slobber off. Then I basically spent the next hour trying to keep her from falling over on me. It’s kinda like the baby issue, not my grandma, I’m not ok with being drooled on.
If you can’t sleep like a normal person and not bother those around you, you lose your in-flight sleeping privileges. End of story.
7. Bringing smelly food on board
Just like I don’t like smelling people, I also don’t like smelling food. Have you ever been on a flight where people bring on McDonalds? That odor lingers, people. Greasy fast food smell is not something I like having to deal with in an enclosed space for hours, I don’t know about you.
If you’re going to need to eat some hot food, eat it in the terminal please. My only other pet peeve about this is unique to me, in that I am deathly allergic to peanuts. This means the smell makes me want to die a little.
As most aware people have probably noticed, peanuts haven’t been served on planes in the US in years because of allergy peeps like me, except for Southwest, which I can never fly because even if my flight doesn’t serve peanuts, it doesn’t mean the plane is clean from peanut dust from previous flights – imagine having to live like that!
Anyways, it’s a very violent allergy compared with others and it’s the one food that really reeks; I don’t have a dairy, gluten, shellfish allergy, but from what I understand, the smell is not as potent as peanuts. Smelling peanuts in an enclosed space makes me nauseous, dizzy and prone to getting sick and I risk going into anaphylactic shock and DYING, which nobody wants, right?
And yet, people still feel the need to eat peanuts on planes. It makes me feel like a massive douche to either have to ask you to stop or complain to a stewardess, so please do us all a favor and just don’t eat anything with peanuts in the first place on a flight. Or better yet, think about what food you’re going to eat on a plane beforehand.
8. Walking down the aisle and grabbing everyone’s seat
Normally I never sit in aisle seats; I have this weird habit where I like to feel cocooned and snug and can lean my head against the window to nap on flights. However, somehow in spite of my talent for fighting for the perfect window seat, I ended up in an aisle seat this summer on one of my long-haul redeye flights, in which my abhorrence for this seat along with passenger in-flight behavior was firmly reaffirmed.
For some reason, certain passengers on flights feel the need to touch the headrest of every aisle seat on their way to and from the toilet; I lost count at 25 on this flight alone. It’s safe to say I got zero sleep on that flight thanks to people lurking in the aisles and playing headrest war.
IT’S NOT A GAME PEOPLE! You can keep your hands to yourself. If you can walk down normal hallways without grabbing the wall, I’m guessing you can also walk down the aisle of the plane without annoying every passenger in seat C, D, G or H.
9. Seat reclining do’s and don’ts
On long-haul flights, you’re gonna definitely want to recline your seats. I’m a premature grandma and have a bad back, so if I sit too long straight up without changing positions, it really starts to bother me. But with most people who have common sense, you easily realize how and when do recline your seats.
Personally, I never recline my seat on short flights; I can deal. I also do not recline my seat until after the first meal is served and I usually warn people behind me. Do you know what happens when you recline or upright your seat when someone has their tray table down behind you? Shit goes flying. FLYING.
Don’t even get me started if I have my laptop out. If you break my laptop screen or even come CLOSE to breaking my laptop screen, shit.will.hit.the.fan.
To the lovely man who reclined his seat 100% on my 13 hour flight to Auckland before the seatbelt sign even came on, you’re dead to me; though thanks for inspiring this article. Snoozing through the meal and the numerous announcements asking passengers to put their seats up for supper, the flight attendant asked me if I wanted her to wake him up when she was serving dinner. Ok, of course I want you to wake him up – I can’t even put anything on my tray with his seat down, but can you not put it on me so I feel like a dick for not being more accommodating in front of my row peeps? Thanks.
Also, I take it to the next level and always look behind me and occasionally ask the person behind me if they’re cool with me reclining. Oh you’re six feet tall? I’ll just go ahead and keep my seat up.
Just a few simple, polite words make all the difference. Just like relationships, flight communication is key.
10. You tell me
What’s the most annoying thing people do on planes? Have any horror stories? What’s the most obnoxious thing you’ve witnessed on a plane? Do you have any in-flight pet peeves?
About the author
I’m sorry, but you sound like a really selfish, young person who thinks the world should revolve around you. You have no idea what its like to have kids or to fly with large family and you are the reason why I hate college aged Americans. You also sound like you were pampered your entire life and every thing was handed to you on a silver platter. Maybe someday you’ll grow up and get and gain a little empathy for other people.
I’m sorry but you sound like one of the selfish rude people who does at least one of the things on this list. Yes I don’t have kids yet but I don’t really see why I should have to put up with parents who don’t control them. I was very careful in this article to be clear about what bothers me, which isn’t kids being kids, it’s the parents who don’t want to deal with them and let them run wild – I am assuming you misunderstood me in this difference and therefore left such a pissy comment thinking I was criticizing all children in general. I am very empathetic – I was careful to not really criticize things people have no control over in this post; in fact the entire point was to showcase how little respect there is on air travel nowadays. Also I am not college aged, once again devaluing your point. Nothing was handed to me on a silver platter – actually the more I read your comment the more I realize you’re an asshole who needs to grow up, and I feel sorry for you and all people around you, especially on flights
While no, I don’t contribute to these issues, I do understand that some shit just happens. And I doubt very much if 79% of the complaints listed was preplanned. I do understand the aggravation of someone kicking or pulling my heardrest or seat, I keep in mind that some may need help getting out of those little spaces. I use to be a road warrior, so you adept right. Now I’m a disabled
War vet and try to avoid planes if I could. But when I can’t, I get on knowing that shit just happens and we are all dealing with the little box syndrome. I try never to make a big deal out of it because this plane ride and the world can’t revolve around me. I try to leave the b with an itch at home because you never never know when it’s your turn to struggle and need a helping hand, understanding or just plain old compassion. You say you are not ready for children. I agree because you are in for the shock of your life!! Patience is taught by children!!! You plan, preplanned, and pre preplanned for your trip with hubby and kids! You tried to pick seats all together but the airlines screwed that up, though you paid extra! And they do screw things up royally quite often. Do you want your 6 year daughter to sit by a stranger? How about your10 year old son? Hell, you want your 16 year old son to be within eye range right? I’m a mom first, so i I understand the need. Oh and at times, as a human mom, we can get distracted! And that easily happens when you are exhausted. But as a mom, I will not allow another mom to suffer seperation anxiety, so I will and have giving up my seat. Not a biggie! If I wanted luxury and perfection, I will save up for FC! You get what you pay for, sort of!! Lol!!! It can’t be allowed to be that dramatic or that serious or you will always be unhappy with life. And this pass Christmas heading for East to West, it just so happened, the airline put the three of us on the first aisle behind FC, which is the emergency exit. And I had a 2 pound teacup in a very small carrier that can easily fit under the seat. Except there were no seat and we paid extra for her. And no, she isn’t a barker, at all! She is extremely quite and very well mannered, so she goes unnoticed quit a lot. So now the delimma. We give up our legroom to fix this but there were no 3 seats together. We was offered a seat in FC but that was just one. So a kind man and his wife gave us their seat. No asking needed. Now if we could all work and travel together, I truly believe the smile that you are blessed with will carry you throughout the travel. Yes, I ended up with a 5 year old seat kicker behind me. I bribed her by letting her see Pixie in all her deva finery and made a friend. After that I had a very peaceful trip though I can never get comfortable in those seats and it was the new comfy plane. In front of me was a snorer! No problem. Most snore when they are bottomed out tired. I put on my headphones. I’m married to a senior NCO, active army. I know how he sounds when he has worked 14 hours days the whole week. How can you think people can control that. It’s their body not them! But your time is coming! My advice to you? Leave the b with an itch behind and open your eyes to the people you are whining about!! No one and I do mean no one ever plans for a lousy plane ride. And none of them said, today we will make Luz miserable by just being! The plane! It’s just to get you from point A to point B right? To me FC is just not worth the cost, so I, like everone else on business class or in coach have to endure. Again, your time is coming because your whole perception of children and parents will change when you carry and birth your very own trouble maker. But to you, you will see an angel. And plus traveling is harder on them!! My baby is 16 and self sufficient but I remember when he was this little energy drink on legs. So I can understand exhausted parents! It takes a hell of a lot of nerves and patience to travel with the little imps and urchins!!! Again, your time is coming!!! It’s easy to be selfish when it’s just you. But when you bring a little one into this world, it changes the very core of you. Life becomes hectic, tiresome and full but you wouldn’t want it any other way. Then you even understand God’s patience with us really well!!! Wishing you nothing but the very best. I hope this touches you enough to open your eyes up a little and take a closet look at the other struggling travelers. They are all dealing with similar issues. We need desperate spaces on them planes but that’s not doable. And there is no excuse for BO! Even if you have a blood illness there are strong deodorants. Though again, you don’t know their story or what they had to go through to get on that plane. Like you, I’m in tune to my body, so I’m very clean in that regard! But again, we don’t know….. Blessings!!!
these complaints are perfectly reasonable, i’ve been travelling with my family since i was 2 months old, my brother is mentally and physically disabled, and not once have I violated any of these rules, NEITHER HAS MY BROTHER. These are simple to follow and it’s really annoying when people are so rude as to not follow these. Smells is the worst though, and the most easily regulated. If people were smart enough to plan their trips no one would ever have to deal with this. Travel Intelligently
I agree with you brother I could get the personality easily from the writing, like damn. I’m trying not to say that the writer is a giant b word because for all I know she might be quite nice in person, but that writing… ugh. The complaints are reasonable, but it was the way she addressed said issues made it seem like it revolved around herself. That is all.
Very simple: if you can’t make your kids behave, DON’T HAVE KIDS.
I’m sick of people like you feeling entitled to ’empathy’, while not understanding that basic fact.
I never had shit handed to me I worked bloody hard to get where I am and I do believe having paid for many flight and put up with careless disrespectful callous behaviour GRINDS MY GEARS!!. Kids, Babies, Stinky food, Laughing giggly teenage girls, people knocking into you because you’re clumsy, People leaning into you because they don’t respect personal space,People that let there kids piss everybody else off, people that cant be arsed to buy a set of evan 99p headphone and are happy to subject everybody to there shitty music, People that rush in front of you to get on or off the plane rather than just being patient are all FUCKING ANNOYING!! If you are one of these people reflect a little on yourself and start to realise that actually the world doesnt revolve around you!
I just hate everything about planes really. Im going on a trip to orlando for work in march and I am super nervous! The lives of 100 people in the hands of one pilot, turbulance and what even holds a plane up? The whole idea freaks me out. The worst part is I’m flying alone for the first time.
However most of the things I saw on this list don’t bother me,people are people. I like to think everyone is just as nervous as I am when I fly so perhaps they’re not thinking straight.
Oh dear, you’re a little princess, aren’t you? I really can’t wait until you have kids and learn all about the problems of being a parent. The only way to avoid toddler trouble on a plane is simply ‘don’t travel’ but I doubt that’ll stop you when the time comes because you seem hell bent on continual globe trotting. You ‘hate planes’ , well stay home or take a boat then. You’re lucky you have the money to travel, just being on a plane is a huge privilege.
Top of my list of things I wish people wouldn’t do? Whine on about how much they hate things which most ordinary people would love to be doing.
Hahaha this comment made me laugh! I like it when people whine about others whining.
It doesn’t take much to get you to laugh does it?
I agree I have kids and im morbidly obese not to mention im 5 10 and have long legs. Would be her worst nightmare, but beside all that….im a good mother and have control over my kids and being large I buy two seats so I dont offend or spill over on people like her.
two words for you all….. Fly Private
Jeez give her a break wtf is your problem? She wrote a few funny things, kind of a Peter Griffin’s “Grinds My Gears” special, she’s not hurting anyone. You on the other hand, you’re going OUT OF YOUR WAY to be hurtful which is very rude.
Wrong. If you decide to have kids it is your responsibility to teach them to respect other peoples space/privacy/property. if your child is older than 1.5 they have the intellectual capability to understand risk/reward and if they are causing others havoc it is your incompetence or lack of respect for others that is causing the problem. Babies are a whole other story but every time my kids do anything that might impact someone else I either apologise and explain to them why they must always be considerate or get them to apologise so they learn the responsibility for their actions themselves.
There is, in fact, a way to avoid toddler trouble on a plane. It’s very simple. DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS. My little brother is special needs, mental AND physically disabled. This comes along with a certain degree of difficulty, I remember when he was just three and I was eight that before each trip we would give him some gravol and prepare him entirely for the trip. It’s easy to control your kids on a plane if you prepare them before-hand and know what foods do what things to them. All of these complaints are perfectly reasonable. I travel incredibly often too and I have never violated any of these, It isn’t particularly difficult, all you need is simple courtesy.
And aren’t you not only obnoxious and annoying, but you seem to be a little envious because you have kids and can’t afford to travel, possibly? Your kids are not for the rest of us to deal with. Shut them up or YOU STAY HOME and take care of your brats and save the travel money for their college education so they don’t grow up to be resentful as well of everyone else that is able to have and do things! Maybe there should be flights for “adults” only so the rest of us don’t have to deal with your screaming kids because of people like you who can’t discipline them properly. “Top of my list of things I wish people wouldn’t do”? Expect others to suffer the consequences of the brats they call their children!
I disagree completely Pete, She is not encouraging banning children from airplanes, however should we not expect all people on flights to be respectful of other passengers.
I don´t think that expecting politeness and respect and of course being polite and respectful makes you a princess. But to the aspect of flying with kids I can only say that most people understand the situation and that it isn´t an easy one. But there are parents travelling with four kids and everything is under control and there are parents with one kid and the flight is hell for everyone. People understand that kids may be crying or getting loud sometimes but they dont understand when it gets out of control and there isn´t any kind of effort to keep control.
I´m a mother and did a lot of flying with or without kids and I always asked myself: Didn´t they prepare the kids mentally for the flight, what the hell is in all the lot of luggage but you certainly never have what is needed( I always had only a normal day backpack), why do the kids make such a fuss when they have to fasten the seatbelt for 20 min.( they do it in the car for hours), why don´t parents feed their children before the flight with something they like or bring something( kids normally don´t eat the airline food or fall asleep at mealtime)?Bring toys, books or something new, so that they don´t get bored and if they have to move a bit, walk around but please not during service. But prepare them, that is the most effectful.
Though you are absolutely positively right, there really is no easy answer that would please everyone. Because again, we don’t know the full story. Why are THEY traveling today? What are they going through? What has happened to make mom allow her children or children to act out. I believe that most, if not everyone, has a story that would bring that “ah I understand now, moment to the situation. We just don’t know. So why be so quick to judge based on our discomfort? Just saying….
My worst though, was the drunk guy next to me who requested and received 4 x double whiskies, introduced himself as “Lovely” and asked if I could give him a job once we got to Hong Kong, and if the plane was spinning in circles. Not just once, but repeatedly.. tapping me on the arm while I was watching a movie with headphones on, gibbering nonsensical rubbish with his horrible breath. Lovely then passed out clutching a sick bag for about an hour and a half (I have a photo of this), and when he woke up, requested and was given 2 more double whiskies!
I think the sky waitresses had abandoned our section, as it also contained a sleeping woman with 3 very young & very naughty children jumping around pressing the call bell continuously and rolling spitballs (seriously) and a group of 10 or so seat-swapping students all with individually-named and different kosher meals.
I probably should have spoken to them about the drunk guy harassing me in case I could be moved, but could only imagine the ire of whomever I would be put next to, thus destroying their short-lived extra-seat luxury.