I’m just going to go ahead and make a bold statement. I hate planes. I fucking hate them.
I hate airports. I hate people who work in airports (TSA agents I’m looking at you). I hate the hassle of airports. Why we just can’t apparate from point A to B by now is beyond me.
This probably comes from the fact that I spend so much of my time on planes nowadays. In fact, I’m sure that’s why. I’m also a severe introvert so more than 4 people in a confined space tend to stress me out. Lock me in a tiny moving tin tube for more than an hour with hundreds of other breathers, and I start to have anxiety attacks.
Sounds like I picked the wrong profession, right?
Granted, I have had many flights go by without a hitch, which makes the bad ones hell in comparison. Combined with the fact that I have a special talent for finding myself in really uncomfortable situations makes me really NOT look forward to long travel days.
It’s been a while since I ranted on here but I needed to do something while traveling for days on end over the past week. After years of reflection, I’ve realized it all boils down to two things: respect and awareness. If only people were more aware of all the people around them on flights AND respected them, 99% of flights would take off without general grumpiness.
Of course there is always someone misbehaving. Always.
Here are my 10 things I wish people would really stop doing on airplanes:
1. Smelling like, well, anything
As a general rule, you should probably shower sometime close to take-off. And if showering is impossible, bring a change of clothes and deodorant in your carry-on. Please. Can I even begin to count the number of times I’ve been on a flight in close proximity to someone who reeked? I don’t get it, how can you not be aware that you smell like a high school locker room? If I don’t shower, I am painfully aware of it, and I would never consider subjecting someone next to me on a flight to that.
Then of course the opposite happened while I was waiting at Dulles Airport last week to catch my flight to San Francisco. Across the aisle in the waiting area before boarding, as I was sipping my coffee I watched in horror as a woman took out a bottle of some kind of hippy essential oil and proceed to douse herself in it. I could literally feel my eyes prickling from 15 feet away. It was like she was anointing herself in holy communion or something.
As far as I’m concerned, everyone should smell neutral on a plane. Good or bad, I don’t want to smell you at all.
2. Asking to switch seats
Ok, I’m anal – I like a window seat. I go to great lengths to make sure I have my seat planned, prepped and reserved in advance before I even journey to an airport. Sometimes I even have to pay for it.
Have you ever been on a flight where people are boarding and there’s a family that doesn’t have seats together and they go around asking people to switch seats? It’s happened to me several times, and I feel like a bitch but I always say no. I picked my seat, dammit, and I am not giving it up because someone is too lazy to plan in advance.
Have they heard of the internet? Do they have phones? It’s not that hard to get in contact with an airline in advance and rearrange seats or even when you are checking in, but why wait til you are on the plane to ask is beyond me. The only airline I’ve ever had problems with about seat selection is American Airlines, but that’s a story for a different day.
3. Overhead bin violations
Flights are almost always full nowadays, which means the overhead bins can be a hot commodity. If you are traveling with a big backpack or rolling suitcase, you have to use the bin. However, I’ve got little legs, and I always stow my canvas tote and camera satchel under the seat in front of me, except for when I take my backpacking backpack on board. And while I settle in my seat, I watch people over and over again stuff tiny purses, shopping bags, coats and other small foldable crap in the empty overhead bins while the plane still boards.
You see my backpack? It can’t fit under the seat, do you mind if I move your feather down jacket and duty-free booze bags so I can put it in the overhead bin?
I always feel like a dick when I have to move people’s stuff around or ask them to move it if I need to stow a bigger bag up there. Use some common sense and don’t be an idiot. Wait until the plane has boarded THEN put your smaller shit away if you need to.
The lack of common sense in people continues to astonish me.
4. Using the headrest in front of you to stand up
This drives me bananas. It takes a lot for me to fall asleep on a plane, especially when I forget to bring my Ambien with me. It makes me want to scream if I’ve finally fallen asleep only to be physically jerked away when the person behind me grabs my seat to sit up.
This is something that also baffles me. Why can’t people stand up putting their hands on the arm rests, the wall, or heaven forbid their own seat?
In-flight behavior 101 – never touch the seat in front of you unless it’s an emergency. And for some reason if you do need to, apologize or give some heads up first.
5. Not patrolling your kids
Another hot topic in the travel world – traveling with kids. Normally I’ve got no problem with kids on planes, I don’t even mind babies. Kids are kids, babies cry, I get all that, no problem.
My beef starts when parents don’t control their offspring on planes. That drives me nuts. Whether these feral kids are kicking my seat like a soccer ball, running up and down the aisles, or screaming while the parents just sit there, that’s when I get pissy. No one invades my personal space cave on a flight. NO ONE.
This is why I’ve reverted to the Oatmeal school of thought where I believe airplanes should be laid on with special kennels in the back for children. Sigh, one day.
I’m not a mom yet; I’ve made the decision I’m not ready to deal with all the baby stuff yet, which means I don’t want to deal with your parent issues either. I’ve had a kid spill a drink on me because mommy was too busy watching the movie in her aisle seat once, but the absolute worst was getting barfed on a transatlantic flight in 2009.
Actually I’ve been puked on twice while traveling, both times because of parental negligence. This time I was minding my own business in a window seat while the mom next to me bottle-fed her baby. She then props him up to burp on her right shoulder and guess who gets vomed on? Yours truly.
They say that when its your kid, it’s different and you can put up with all those bodily fluids. Well it wasn’t my kid and I lost it. Big time. Feed your baby in your seat, but go burp him by the bathrooms.
6. No snoring, no drooling
This goes hand in hand with number 1. I’m guessing that most people who snore are aware of it and know they snore. Am I right? So when you are on a plane with a bazillion other people, try not to snore. If that means drinking a coffee, drink a coffee. If that means not reclining your seat, don’t recline your seat.
On my San Fran flight, my seatmate was a massive snorer. Like I could hear him over my headphones with the volume on max. Now that’s just impressive. Even the flight attendants were astonished. As they were serving drinks, one took a look at him, and said out loud, “Sweet Jesus.”
It was a 6 hour flight during the day. Stay awake.
I should probably add in here one of the grossest things that happened to me on a plane, right up there with the baby barf. I was seated next to this little old lady, I mean very nice and sweet, but she kept dozing off, like old ladies do. The thing was that she couldn’t stay upright and would inch by inch lean over until she was basically napping on my shoulder in which I would wiggle around to sort of wake her up.
But the third time she slid on my shoulder, she drooled all over my arm. Like a fucking faucet. Oh my gawd. I was horrified, horrified but I couldn’t say anything because she was so old and sweet and we had chatted while boarding creating a mini-connection. All I could think was thank god I wore long sleeves that day! So I kinda poked her and she propped back up while trying to discreetly wipe her slobber off. Then I basically spent the next hour trying to keep her from falling over on me. It’s kinda like the baby issue, not my grandma, I’m not ok with being drooled on.
If you can’t sleep like a normal person and not bother those around you, you lose your in-flight sleeping privileges. End of story.
7. Bringing smelly food on board
Just like I don’t like smelling people, I also don’t like smelling food. Have you ever been on a flight where people bring on McDonalds? That odor lingers, people. Greasy fast food smell is not something I like having to deal with in an enclosed space for hours, I don’t know about you.
If you’re going to need to eat some hot food, eat it in the terminal please. My only other pet peeve about this is unique to me, in that I am deathly allergic to peanuts. This means the smell makes me want to die a little.
As most aware people have probably noticed, peanuts haven’t been served on planes in the US in years because of allergy peeps like me, except for Southwest, which I can never fly because even if my flight doesn’t serve peanuts, it doesn’t mean the plane is clean from peanut dust from previous flights – imagine having to live like that!
Anyways, it’s a very violent allergy compared with others and it’s the one food that really reeks; I don’t have a dairy, gluten, shellfish allergy, but from what I understand, the smell is not as potent as peanuts. Smelling peanuts in an enclosed space makes me nauseous, dizzy and prone to getting sick and I risk going into anaphylactic shock and DYING, which nobody wants, right?
And yet, people still feel the need to eat peanuts on planes. It makes me feel like a massive douche to either have to ask you to stop or complain to a stewardess, so please do us all a favor and just don’t eat anything with peanuts in the first place on a flight. Or better yet, think about what food you’re going to eat on a plane beforehand.
8. Walking down the aisle and grabbing everyone’s seat
Normally I never sit in aisle seats; I have this weird habit where I like to feel cocooned and snug and can lean my head against the window to nap on flights. However, somehow in spite of my talent for fighting for the perfect window seat, I ended up in an aisle seat this summer on one of my long-haul redeye flights, in which my abhorrence for this seat along with passenger in-flight behavior was firmly reaffirmed.
For some reason, certain passengers on flights feel the need to touch the headrest of every aisle seat on their way to and from the toilet; I lost count at 25 on this flight alone. It’s safe to say I got zero sleep on that flight thanks to people lurking in the aisles and playing headrest war.
IT’S NOT A GAME PEOPLE! You can keep your hands to yourself. If you can walk down normal hallways without grabbing the wall, I’m guessing you can also walk down the aisle of the plane without annoying every passenger in seat C, D, G or H.
9. Seat reclining do’s and don’ts
On long-haul flights, you’re gonna definitely want to recline your seats. I’m a premature grandma and have a bad back, so if I sit too long straight up without changing positions, it really starts to bother me. But with most people who have common sense, you easily realize how and when do recline your seats.
Personally, I never recline my seat on short flights; I can deal. I also do not recline my seat until after the first meal is served and I usually warn people behind me. Do you know what happens when you recline or upright your seat when someone has their tray table down behind you? Shit goes flying. FLYING.
Don’t even get me started if I have my laptop out. If you break my laptop screen or even come CLOSE to breaking my laptop screen, shit.will.hit.the.fan.
To the lovely man who reclined his seat 100% on my 13 hour flight to Auckland before the seatbelt sign even came on, you’re dead to me; though thanks for inspiring this article. Snoozing through the meal and the numerous announcements asking passengers to put their seats up for supper, the flight attendant asked me if I wanted her to wake him up when she was serving dinner. Ok, of course I want you to wake him up – I can’t even put anything on my tray with his seat down, but can you not put it on me so I feel like a dick for not being more accommodating in front of my row peeps? Thanks.
Also, I take it to the next level and always look behind me and occasionally ask the person behind me if they’re cool with me reclining. Oh you’re six feet tall? I’ll just go ahead and keep my seat up.
Just a few simple, polite words make all the difference. Just like relationships, flight communication is key.
10. You tell me
What’s the most annoying thing people do on planes? Have any horror stories? What’s the most obnoxious thing you’ve witnessed on a plane? Do you have any in-flight pet peeves?
About the author
Mostly I agree with a lot of what you say. I have traveled many times internationally, 2 kids in tow. My kids have plenty to do, eat, etc…and are well behaved. We sit in the back usually so we can be near the bathroom. However, the airlines more often than not do not allow you to necessarily book your seats together. They tell you to arrive early. I arrive 3 hours early for international and 2 for domestic and STILL, getting seats together is hard. They flat out tell you to ask a stranger to move. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want my kid sitting next to a stranger as I don’t know what they will watch on their screen or say. Also, I don’t want to ask a stranger to get up every time my kid has to go to the bathroom, etc..We plan our trips, pack lightly and bringing plenty of kid activities, non smelly snacks and order kids’ meals.
Airplane air is stuffy and allergies can be triggered. This results in people possibly snoring, I suggest you bring earplugs, buy headphones.
Maybe you should consider a job where you do not have to travel.
I once was on a flight where the parent stated that she was surprised the child was screaming as the child had never done that before…..
This despite the fact the child screamed from the minute they were walking through the airport, through the baggage line, and through check in.
I remember because I was thinking I hope that child doesn’t sit next to me….but the child did.
After a half hour of screaming on the flight, the flight attendant who was wonderful took the child to a far away location to try to calm her.
Sitting next to a girl with long hair can be annoying. Especially when the seats are crammed and her hair keeps getting on you
1. So you’ve just been called in and forced to travel by plane at last minute. You only take your business gear, you only have one set of clothes (that you’re wearing) and you don’t have time to shower, shave, deodorize (and most deodorants aren’t neutral), or any of that before you have to get on the flight where you’re stressed planning ahead for a meeting that’s coming up. OR You’re disabled, its a long and incredibly painful flight (you don’t have a just a “bad back” but something worse) you’ve got low mobility and can’t shower without help, your carer isn’t coming with you on the flight because they can’t afford it and there’s someone at the other end to take care of you for your stay – so while you showered with help you didn’t do it RIGHT before boarding or in the morning because that would have exhausted you completely.
Life happens – and it stinks (literally).
2. So you booked your seats in advance, you either saved up for years to get this trip or its a emergency last minute flight to visit Gran whose dying of cancer, you’re going with your family and the airline suddenly changes your flight – you have no choice – you’re fully committed to either saying goodbye or going on holiday that you planned and worked hard for. So you ask desperately with people to switch seats so you can sit together – there is no chance at all of you being able to control your children even a little bit if you aren’t sitting together.
3. Person has long legs or legs that easily cramp and so put things up out of the way so they can maximize their leg space. They’ve all paid for space, its not their fault that the flight is full or that you decided to bring your backpacking backpack on as a carry on rather than checking it.
4. Going back to the possibility of disabled people with limited mobility – you HAVE to put your hand on the headrest to lever yourself out of your seat because you simply CAN’T get up otherwise. Or the space is so cramped for your form that you have to hold onto the headrest or else you’re going to fall down on top of your seat mates and possibly injuring them.
5. Not a mother? Yeah – parents reading this can very much tell. You can’t control your kids (and also – switching seats or controlling kids as best as possible. Pick one you can’t have both) completely. You likely are going to be hoarse from already running around chasing them around trying to get them to be on their best behavior. Kids have their own minds and ideas and are bored – excessively easily and you just can’t entertain them for long travel distances no matter what you brought with you because they’ll look at some of the things you brought for all of five seconds and then declare boredom and kick the seat in front of them. Present your complaints about children to your parents and watch them either quietly “agree” and declare you a darling -or more likely – patiently explain that you were just the same or 25,000 times worse when you were a child… because even if they declare you a darling – you were.
6. Sleep apnoea is not something anyone who has it can control. No – people who snore are not aware of it…because they’re asleep – they often have to be told they snore. Its a medical condition. If you started snoring having developed sleep apnoea you wouldn’t be aware until someone told you. Drooling is also something that can’t be helped. These are things that happen when the brain is resting so people do not have conscious control over what they’re doing due to being unconscious – its all running on automatic and their body only cares about surviving not your sensitivities. When people are sleep deprived they are going to have to sleep, and saying that they shouldn’t due to a medical condition outside of their control is ableist.
7. They paid. They are eating. They’re not trying to bother anyone. They are not aware of your allergy and not offering you peanuts. Now – I’m sorry you don’t like the smell of hot food, but people don’t always have time to eat it in the terminal – if they’ve been in a rush since 5 am that morning and haven’t eaten since the night before they’re probably starving – which is why they’re eating it on the plane. The reason people bring peanuts on board is because they like peanuts and they stopped being served due to allergies. I’m sorry it makes you want to die a little but might I suggest you keep an epipen on you – having the proper first aid to deal with your allergies on you is your responsibility and these people shouldn’t be deprived of food they enjoy because you’re under prepared.
8. Again – we go back to the fact that some people travelling will have limited mobility and require the headrests to help keep them balanced and on their feet. It might be as serious as usually they use wheelchairs and crutches, or might be as simple as they are easily made dizzy and risk falling down and injuring themselves and other passengers if they do not do so. What they are doing is reducing risk. Would you rather they use the headrests to help them or that they fall over and break your leg because they didn’t use the headrests to help them. Pick one there are no third options.
9. This is unavoidable. There are no perfect times to lower your seat back – you can do it once or a thousand times across multiple flights and somewhere along the line you’re going to annoy someone. Other people’s happiness based around limited space is not within your control – you can only do so much. Likely the man you mentioned sleeping for so long had been going without sleep for a very long time (possibly he had only slept a short nap within the past two days) as can happen. He desperately needed to sleep and rest his back, like you have to rest your bad back at times, and if he was woken by you he’d probably have felt a little sheepish at having inconvenienced someone but when we’re exhausted our bodily demands come above the convenience of others frequently.
You’ve gotten mixed reviews on this blog, I realize its been nearly a full year since you wrote it and while I don’t particularly think that calling you names beneficial – or just agreeing with you – I do think addressing the points you made to show that you are exhibiting some lack of awareness (or even caring) about other people yourself is necessary. As are the people who are just whole heartedly agreeing with you without stopping to think about it.
Yes – you’re (you and those who are agreeing with you) frequent fliers…but that doesn’t make you special or that your concerns/needs should take priority. Yes, in many of these cases you’re ignorant to parenthood or being ableist in that sort of everyday ableist way people are when they’ve never been seriously disabled for long term by anything more serious than a peanut allergy or a bad back. You’re not a bad person, and you aren’t a bad person for asking people to not lean back so much or moving their things occasionally – but they aren’t in that plane solely to annoy you with what you perceive as bad etiquette and sometimes it genuinely cannot be helped. You need to learn to filter, expand your theory of mind and learn to think about what the causes are that can lead to these consequences. You’re being a little short sighted. Which is why some unwise and cruel people, in their own short-sightedness, have opted to call you names. Because they feel you’re being thoroughly unempathetic to their concerns and what’s caused these pet peeves of yours.
The airlines should get rid of overhead bins! Let people use the check in or under seat storage.
The airlines should get rid of reclining seats!
Okay – so – let me address these in turn.
Re: “The airlines should get rid of overhead bins! Let people use the check in or under seat storage.”
Scenario: A man gets on who suffers from McCune-Albright syndrome with one of the related symptoms being gigantism, he has a wide variety of health problems and is 7ft tall. He has to bring with him a special kit with medications and first aid in relation to his plethora of medical issues. If he stores it in the under seat storage he’s forced to sit extremely uncomfortably with restricted leg movement for an 18 hour flight, with no ability to rest his legs, or even his back sufficiently (slouching is good for you according to recent studies) for the entire flight. Or he checks it and has a seizure, dying on the flight because his specific meds are checked.
What should be done? Please note – if you suggest the man should be cramped or risk death just because of his height that is abnormal thanks to a medical condition you are being ableist which is discrimination and (depending on context and what happens – a hate crime. It’s like being racist but to disabled people).
Highly unlikely? Yes – but that doesn’t matter. As anyone will tell you – it’s always the exception to the rule that ends up showing up.
Re: “The airlines should get rid of reclining seats!”
Scenario: Back to the disabled people – with people like the OP who merely has a bad back that needs to be rested occasionally – to people with severe back and hip problems that need an adjusted angle of seat to sit for any length of time without severe pain- especially those who with added mobility problems can’t stand for long periods of time either. If they are not accommodated with reclining and adjustable seats for 8 hour plus flights then they can’t fly at all and they can’t afford first class or business class.
What happens with them? And again- if you say they shouldn’t fly – it’s ableism.
Scenario: what would happen if said 7ft tall person sat in one seat with said disabled person sat directly in front?? Will the disabled person get to recline therefore reducing 7ft person from having any space??
Actually happened: on a day trip to the arctic circle to see killer whales, some people actually hogged all the overhead lockers on both sides so we had to push our rucksacks under the seats, sit on our wax coats and get no sleep whatsoever, being totally cramped. My husband is 6ft tall, he was not comfortable the whole flight. Yes, the passengers literally put everything above our seats from the other side of the aisle as well as above their own.
I have to agree with most of your complaints. I, too, fly often for work and have experienced all of these irritants. It is easy to put up with a lot of this stuff if you are an infrequent flyer, but (for the critics) everything changes when flying is a regular part of your job. I also get that you have to rant about it so that you don’t lose it with one of those “unaware” passengers one of these days. I also agree that people who are going to fly need to be made aware of a few of the things you mentioned, especially the scent issue. A few weeks ago, on a flight from Tokyo to Vancouver, a group of three or four women had heavily perfumed themselves prior to getting on the airplane. The entire cabin smelled like the perfume counter of a department store. As much as I hated to do it, and felt like an ass, I had to request a seat change on a full flight because I was so bothered by the perfume. In that case, I would have preferred B.O. The other issue that needs to be reinforced on planes in excessive or unnecessary touching of the seat in front of a passenger. In particular is pulling and kicking (usually by kids but not always). I have gone as far as turning around and telling the child to stop kicking. It seems to work just fine. The rest of the stupid shit people do is part of the experience. Luckily, as you said, most flights go off without a hitch. I enjoy the blog. Safe travels.