I’m just going to go ahead and make a bold statement. I hate planes. I fucking hate them.
I hate airports. I hate people who work in airports (TSA agents I’m looking at you). I hate the hassle of airports. Why we just can’t apparate from point A to B by now is beyond me.
This probably comes from the fact that I spend so much of my time on planes nowadays. In fact, I’m sure that’s why. I’m also a severe introvert so more than 4 people in a confined space tend to stress me out. Lock me in a tiny moving tin tube for more than an hour with hundreds of other breathers, and I start to have anxiety attacks.
Sounds like I picked the wrong profession, right?
Granted, I have had many flights go by without a hitch, which makes the bad ones hell in comparison. Combined with the fact that I have a special talent for finding myself in really uncomfortable situations makes me really NOT look forward to long travel days.
It’s been a while since I ranted on here but I needed to do something while traveling for days on end over the past week. After years of reflection, I’ve realized it all boils down to two things: respect and awareness. If only people were more aware of all the people around them on flights AND respected them, 99% of flights would take off without general grumpiness.
Of course there is always someone misbehaving. Always.
Here are my 10 things I wish people would really stop doing on airplanes:
1. Smelling like, well, anything
As a general rule, you should probably shower sometime close to take-off. And if showering is impossible, bring a change of clothes and deodorant in your carry-on. Please. Can I even begin to count the number of times I’ve been on a flight in close proximity to someone who reeked? I don’t get it, how can you not be aware that you smell like a high school locker room? If I don’t shower, I am painfully aware of it, and I would never consider subjecting someone next to me on a flight to that.
Then of course the opposite happened while I was waiting at Dulles Airport last week to catch my flight to San Francisco. Across the aisle in the waiting area before boarding, as I was sipping my coffee I watched in horror as a woman took out a bottle of some kind of hippy essential oil and proceed to douse herself in it. I could literally feel my eyes prickling from 15 feet away. It was like she was anointing herself in holy communion or something.
As far as I’m concerned, everyone should smell neutral on a plane. Good or bad, I don’t want to smell you at all.
2. Asking to switch seats
Ok, I’m anal – I like a window seat. I go to great lengths to make sure I have my seat planned, prepped and reserved in advance before I even journey to an airport. Sometimes I even have to pay for it.
Have you ever been on a flight where people are boarding and there’s a family that doesn’t have seats together and they go around asking people to switch seats? It’s happened to me several times, and I feel like a bitch but I always say no. I picked my seat, dammit, and I am not giving it up because someone is too lazy to plan in advance.
Have they heard of the internet? Do they have phones? It’s not that hard to get in contact with an airline in advance and rearrange seats or even when you are checking in, but why wait til you are on the plane to ask is beyond me. The only airline I’ve ever had problems with about seat selection is American Airlines, but that’s a story for a different day.
3. Overhead bin violations
Flights are almost always full nowadays, which means the overhead bins can be a hot commodity. If you are traveling with a big backpack or rolling suitcase, you have to use the bin. However, I’ve got little legs, and I always stow my canvas tote and camera satchel under the seat in front of me, except for when I take my backpacking backpack on board. And while I settle in my seat, I watch people over and over again stuff tiny purses, shopping bags, coats and other small foldable crap in the empty overhead bins while the plane still boards.
You see my backpack? It can’t fit under the seat, do you mind if I move your feather down jacket and duty-free booze bags so I can put it in the overhead bin?
I always feel like a dick when I have to move people’s stuff around or ask them to move it if I need to stow a bigger bag up there. Use some common sense and don’t be an idiot. Wait until the plane has boarded THEN put your smaller shit away if you need to.
The lack of common sense in people continues to astonish me.
4. Using the headrest in front of you to stand up
This drives me bananas. It takes a lot for me to fall asleep on a plane, especially when I forget to bring my Ambien with me. It makes me want to scream if I’ve finally fallen asleep only to be physically jerked away when the person behind me grabs my seat to sit up.
This is something that also baffles me. Why can’t people stand up putting their hands on the arm rests, the wall, or heaven forbid their own seat?
In-flight behavior 101 – never touch the seat in front of you unless it’s an emergency. And for some reason if you do need to, apologize or give some heads up first.
5. Not patrolling your kids
Another hot topic in the travel world – traveling with kids. Normally I’ve got no problem with kids on planes, I don’t even mind babies. Kids are kids, babies cry, I get all that, no problem.
My beef starts when parents don’t control their offspring on planes. That drives me nuts. Whether these feral kids are kicking my seat like a soccer ball, running up and down the aisles, or screaming while the parents just sit there, that’s when I get pissy. No one invades my personal space cave on a flight. NO ONE.
This is why I’ve reverted to the Oatmeal school of thought where I believe airplanes should be laid on with special kennels in the back for children. Sigh, one day.
I’m not a mom yet; I’ve made the decision I’m not ready to deal with all the baby stuff yet, which means I don’t want to deal with your parent issues either. I’ve had a kid spill a drink on me because mommy was too busy watching the movie in her aisle seat once, but the absolute worst was getting barfed on a transatlantic flight in 2009.
Actually I’ve been puked on twice while traveling, both times because of parental negligence. This time I was minding my own business in a window seat while the mom next to me bottle-fed her baby. She then props him up to burp on her right shoulder and guess who gets vomed on? Yours truly.
They say that when its your kid, it’s different and you can put up with all those bodily fluids. Well it wasn’t my kid and I lost it. Big time. Feed your baby in your seat, but go burp him by the bathrooms.
6. No snoring, no drooling
This goes hand in hand with number 1. I’m guessing that most people who snore are aware of it and know they snore. Am I right? So when you are on a plane with a bazillion other people, try not to snore. If that means drinking a coffee, drink a coffee. If that means not reclining your seat, don’t recline your seat.
On my San Fran flight, my seatmate was a massive snorer. Like I could hear him over my headphones with the volume on max. Now that’s just impressive. Even the flight attendants were astonished. As they were serving drinks, one took a look at him, and said out loud, “Sweet Jesus.”
It was a 6 hour flight during the day. Stay awake.
I should probably add in here one of the grossest things that happened to me on a plane, right up there with the baby barf. I was seated next to this little old lady, I mean very nice and sweet, but she kept dozing off, like old ladies do. The thing was that she couldn’t stay upright and would inch by inch lean over until she was basically napping on my shoulder in which I would wiggle around to sort of wake her up.
But the third time she slid on my shoulder, she drooled all over my arm. Like a fucking faucet. Oh my gawd. I was horrified, horrified but I couldn’t say anything because she was so old and sweet and we had chatted while boarding creating a mini-connection. All I could think was thank god I wore long sleeves that day! So I kinda poked her and she propped back up while trying to discreetly wipe her slobber off. Then I basically spent the next hour trying to keep her from falling over on me. It’s kinda like the baby issue, not my grandma, I’m not ok with being drooled on.
If you can’t sleep like a normal person and not bother those around you, you lose your in-flight sleeping privileges. End of story.
7. Bringing smelly food on board
Just like I don’t like smelling people, I also don’t like smelling food. Have you ever been on a flight where people bring on McDonalds? That odor lingers, people. Greasy fast food smell is not something I like having to deal with in an enclosed space for hours, I don’t know about you.
If you’re going to need to eat some hot food, eat it in the terminal please. My only other pet peeve about this is unique to me, in that I am deathly allergic to peanuts. This means the smell makes me want to die a little.
As most aware people have probably noticed, peanuts haven’t been served on planes in the US in years because of allergy peeps like me, except for Southwest, which I can never fly because even if my flight doesn’t serve peanuts, it doesn’t mean the plane is clean from peanut dust from previous flights – imagine having to live like that!
Anyways, it’s a very violent allergy compared with others and it’s the one food that really reeks; I don’t have a dairy, gluten, shellfish allergy, but from what I understand, the smell is not as potent as peanuts. Smelling peanuts in an enclosed space makes me nauseous, dizzy and prone to getting sick and I risk going into anaphylactic shock and DYING, which nobody wants, right?
And yet, people still feel the need to eat peanuts on planes. It makes me feel like a massive douche to either have to ask you to stop or complain to a stewardess, so please do us all a favor and just don’t eat anything with peanuts in the first place on a flight. Or better yet, think about what food you’re going to eat on a plane beforehand.
8. Walking down the aisle and grabbing everyone’s seat
Normally I never sit in aisle seats; I have this weird habit where I like to feel cocooned and snug and can lean my head against the window to nap on flights. However, somehow in spite of my talent for fighting for the perfect window seat, I ended up in an aisle seat this summer on one of my long-haul redeye flights, in which my abhorrence for this seat along with passenger in-flight behavior was firmly reaffirmed.
For some reason, certain passengers on flights feel the need to touch the headrest of every aisle seat on their way to and from the toilet; I lost count at 25 on this flight alone. It’s safe to say I got zero sleep on that flight thanks to people lurking in the aisles and playing headrest war.
IT’S NOT A GAME PEOPLE! You can keep your hands to yourself. If you can walk down normal hallways without grabbing the wall, I’m guessing you can also walk down the aisle of the plane without annoying every passenger in seat C, D, G or H.
9. Seat reclining do’s and don’ts
On long-haul flights, you’re gonna definitely want to recline your seats. I’m a premature grandma and have a bad back, so if I sit too long straight up without changing positions, it really starts to bother me. But with most people who have common sense, you easily realize how and when do recline your seats.
Personally, I never recline my seat on short flights; I can deal. I also do not recline my seat until after the first meal is served and I usually warn people behind me. Do you know what happens when you recline or upright your seat when someone has their tray table down behind you? Shit goes flying. FLYING.
Don’t even get me started if I have my laptop out. If you break my laptop screen or even come CLOSE to breaking my laptop screen, shit.will.hit.the.fan.
To the lovely man who reclined his seat 100% on my 13 hour flight to Auckland before the seatbelt sign even came on, you’re dead to me; though thanks for inspiring this article. Snoozing through the meal and the numerous announcements asking passengers to put their seats up for supper, the flight attendant asked me if I wanted her to wake him up when she was serving dinner. Ok, of course I want you to wake him up – I can’t even put anything on my tray with his seat down, but can you not put it on me so I feel like a dick for not being more accommodating in front of my row peeps? Thanks.
Also, I take it to the next level and always look behind me and occasionally ask the person behind me if they’re cool with me reclining. Oh you’re six feet tall? I’ll just go ahead and keep my seat up.
Just a few simple, polite words make all the difference. Just like relationships, flight communication is key.
10. You tell me
What’s the most annoying thing people do on planes? Have any horror stories? What’s the most obnoxious thing you’ve witnessed on a plane? Do you have any in-flight pet peeves?
About the author
I’ve been once in a flight that I was 4 days without taking a shower. Well, I wasn’t smelling nice, but the flight company team haven’t said anything, nor gave me any warning about my (smelly) condition. I could notice some near passengers were pinching their noses because of the smell, but I haven’t been denied to travel (I think it’s very rude denying a passenger to travel because of his smell(since the travel ticket was correctly paid.)
which is precisely why she (probably) put that on this post – so that people would actually shower before exhibiting that lovely (sarcasm intended) odor.
Awwwww Liz, I’m a Flight Attendant! Please don’t hate me! I’ve read all of you guys posts and find them hilarious…. I also see why there are so many grumpy passengers….. LOL! Here’s some advice: if you can nicely ask the pax to correct whatever it is that is in violation of you then DO IT. The seat you are sitting in is YOUR SEAT you paid for. If they have their shoes off and it is in your space THEN ASK THEM TO PLEASE MOVE THEIR FEET. Flight Attendants are responsible for KEEPING US ALL AS SAFE AS POSSIBLE….
LOLOL!!! Every single last one of these items are exactly what pisses off FAs as well! ESPECIALLY NUMBER 3!!!!!!! I never allow smaller items in the overhead bins and ALWAYS take them down. Like it or not. If it fits under the seat then put it under the seat. Simple as that.
More advice: PLEASE use the bathroom BEFORE BOARDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We never understand how you arrive early and sit and wait and wait and wait to board the plane and the minute you get on the plane you run to the bathroom!!! I will NEVER EVER understand this.
Can ANY of you answer this? And then you take your shoes off and GO TO THE BATHROOM BAREFOOT!!! Really? No, Really? Do you know the germs on an airplane AND ESPECIALLY THE FLOOR????
Greeeeeeeeeeeeeat post!
Hey Tasha … as a very seasoned world traveler, I can answer the toilet question, and it’s usually the people who for one reason or another rushed to get to the gate, and didn’t want to leave the area during boarding. That’s happened to me. Also, some people just have weak bladders . (like my husband). Or – and this has happened to me too – a bladder infection just presented itself in the hours before the flight. If you’ve ever had one of those, it’s bad, very bad, it makes you feel like you want to go all the time. So … consider the possibilities here.
On international flights I usually bring 2 pairs of sox. Then when those socks get taken off, they’re turned inside out without touching them, and marked for the sanitary wash! But I agree – bare feet in the toilets is just – eeeeewwwwww! I mean … if people have trouble walking the aisles without hanging onto the headrests, imagine men in the toilets! There’s probably pee on the walls as well as the floor!
Thanks, Jane! I’ve had similar experiences when using the toilet upon boarding was necessary…rushing to make a connection because plane was late or had to wait for a gate and, recently, getting a UTI just before a trip (major bummer!). While I agree with Liz on most of her points, one thing I try very hard to do is consider that there may be a very good reason for some of the things that people do while traveling. It’s a shame that others (especially Tasha, who SHOULD know better) don’t take the time to do that. It all boils down to consideration of others, which is really the key here. If everyone attempted to be more considerate and courteous while traveling and put some energy in that direction when planning their trip, we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation!
Your response to number 3 is completely wrong, you have no idea about the agony of being tall in an airline seat, let alone when you’re twisted up because you’ve had to put your relatively small, considerately packed back in the already ridiculously limited space because some inconsiderate person doesn’t want to wait 5 minutes to collect it at baggage claim.
Take out the big bags and put them in hold, don’t forget to charge for the extra checked bag too.
If somebody is kicking my seat, I turn around and politely ask them to stop. Most times they do. I don’t want to be kicked all the way from Toronto to Southeast Asia. If the guy in front of me is totally reclined at mealtime, I do not hesitate to tell the staff to ask him to sit up. And they usually do without a fuss. I don’t , however, care if someone is 700 pounds. As long as they don’t infringe on my space. Eat whatever you want. just don’t leave your trash out for the whole trip. Because at some point I may want to get up. Stuff it in the bag you dragged it on to stifle the smell. If I pay for a seat in a specific spot, I am not giving it up for any reason. If the airline fucked you over, it is not my fault. It’s their responsibility to do what they say they are going to do. It is not a matter of intolerance. Airlines provide such bad service, then they expect everyone else to hash it out. I reserve my seat, I pay for my seat, and I expect to be able to sit in without people expecting me to give it up.
Seriously.
Amen.
if i can’t eat my peanuts because of your allergy, you are free to buy me an airplane lunch, your problem shouldn’t cost me money, if you don’t want to buy me an airplane meal then shut the f… up.
Agreed. Airline flights are (unless you’re rich and can afford a private jet, and unless you own the airport as well, you might not be able to have it take off the moment you want to, for example) not like getting into the family car and driving to wherever it is you want to go; there are limits to what you may be able to pack or buy at the airport (depending on where you have to be in it to get on the plane; timing!) if you can afford it, and things like nuts are both durable (as in crammable into something you can bring on board), not to mention the current list of things you can’t bring on a plane (packaged foods, depending on the package, included) now.
If I’d brought a package of peanuts on a flight and it was all I could bring or afford at the time, I would still refrain from eating them if someone mentioned their allergy and asked politely. I wouldn’t expect them to buy me in-flight food in return, but it would be considerate if that was all the food I had with me.
-X.
True I do the same and there are ways to tell people to stop without being rude and without incident
But there are always those people that give you hell for it and if you’re a woman traveling alone like the author you do have to think twice about it unfortunately
Just wanted to share some comments about gluten intolerances, which also referred to flying with a peanut allergy!
“I’m not even sure what gluten is and I don’t care. I did know someone who had Celiac disease, and it’s certainly a horrible thing to have. She didn’t eat any differently than anyone else though, and she never mentioned gluten. Lately I’ve been seeing gluten-free everywhere and it does seem like a lot of people have jumped on that bandwagon because it’s trendy. I’ve lived a long time and I’ve seen many diets and food fads come and go, so I take people’s claims to be allergic to this and that with a grain of salt. Once when I was on a plane and pulled out my bag of mixed nuts the woman across the aisle said she was allergic to nuts and if I opened that bag she would go into anaphylactic shock. When she wasn’t looking I opened the bag and kept it where she couldn’t see it and ate my nuts. Nothing ever happened. She was very obnoxious about it and her traveling companion rolled her eyes, so I knew she was lying. People like that make it tough on people who are truly allergic the things”.
My answer:
“That was rather a stupid thing to do, when someone asked you not to open a bag of nuts, as they said they were allergic. How do you think you would have felt if they were truly allergic and had an anaphylactic shock, and could possible have died? It does happen! I have a friend who has Celiac disease and she cannot tolerate ANY gluten at all, otherwise she can be very ill. People have not “jumped on the bandwagon”, many people are now being diagnosed with gluten sensitivity and Celiac disease, probably because of the artificial additives added to foods. I am sensitive to gluten, but not in a life threatening way, I would prefer gluten free if I have the choice, but can tolerate a very small amount, perhaps once a week at most. I also am allergic to a whole host of foods, and would suffer D&V and passing out if consumed. I even reacted to a citrus body scrub, because I am allergic to citrus fruit. So for you taking peoples allergies “with a grain of salt”, then perhaps you should realise they are not food fads, but genuine”.
Response:
“@Cathy because if the lady could actually die from being on a plane with peanuts, she wouldn’t be able to take the risk of traveling at all. Many planes often serve peanuts as snacks”.
I replied advising her to look your site up, saying you have travelled the world with a severe peanut allergy, On second thoughts I should have also referred her to your site about travelling with a food allergy, hopefully she will notice it for herself from the top of this page!!